Humor

HUMOR ME BIBLICAL SUPERSTARS

by Jeff Van Hatten
12/29/22
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I like to end the year with laughter and hope you do as well. Sooooo, laugh it up as you try to answer these questions about some of the Biblical superstars – try not to groan too loudly.☺

Moses
Who was the first to need psychiatric care?
● Moses – he was a basket case!

Who was the most high-tech prophet?
● Moses – he used a tablet.

Who was the first to download data from the cloud onto a tablet?
● Moses – he ascended into the cloud above Mt. Sinai and brought two tablets down loaded with commands.

Who was the most mathematical prophet?
● Moses – he wrote the Book of Numbers.

Which servant of Yahweh was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
● Moses– he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Who was the first person to use Aspirin as a medicine?
● Moses – When Yahweh gave him two tablets!

Why do we think Moses wore a wig?
● Sometimes Moses was with Aaron (hair on) and sometimes he wasn’t!

Who gets the award for the “Best Known Tourist Guide In Written History”
● Moses – for leading thousands people over deserts for over 40 years, while listening to “Are we there yet?”

Why do we think that perhaps Yahweh favors Dodge pickup trucks?
● Because when the sound of the Ram’s horn (shofar) grew louder and louder, Moses spoke and Yahweh answered him.

Why do we say Pharaoh’s Daughter was the greatest female financier in the Bible
● Because she raised a great profit (prophet) named Moses.

What kind of insurance would Moses have if he was still alive today?
● Medicare Part C (Part Sea).

Noah
What did God say when Noah told him he wanted to build the ark out of steel, or bricks?
● He said, “No, Noah – go for wood [gopherwood].”

What kind of lights did Noah use in the bottom of the ark?
● They used floodlights.

How do we know that they played cards in the ark?
● Because Noah sat on the deck.

When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?
● When Noah took Ham into the ark.

When the ark landed on Ararat, was Noah the first one out?
● Noah was not the first – he came forth (fourth) out of the ark.

Who was the male greatest financier in the Bible?
● Noah – He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

What American state is mentioned in the bible?
● Arkansas – Noah looked out of the Ark and saw . . .

Jonah
Which Bible character may have had no parents?
● Jonah – he was brought up by a whale.

What kind of spirit did Jonah have?
● He had a spirit of Re-belly-on (Rebellion)!

Why should we all be encouraged by the story of Jonah and the whale?
● Because, Jonah was down in the mouth, but came out all right.

Why do we say the moral of Jonah’s story is “You Can’t Keep a Good Man Down”?
● Then the LORD spoke to the fish, and it spewed Jonah out upon the dry land.

What did Jonah say when Yahweh asked him what he was doing traveling inside a whale?
● “Nineveh (None of ya) business.”

What songs did Jonah sing?
● There Once Was A Whale That Swallowed A Man, It swallowed a man, I don’t know why . . .
● I’ve Got “A Whale Of A Tale” Twenty Thousand Leagues under the sea . . . .

Why don’t people believe the story of Jonah?
● It sounds fishy to their ears.

What would Jonah say of himself today?
● I feel like a man trapped in a whale’s body!

Final Thoughts
Why are Moses, Jonah, and others banned from many modern businesses?
● The businesses are non-profit (non-prophet).

Why should long haired people walk instead of driving cars?
● Samson, Moses, Noah, even Jesus had long hair . . . and they walked everywhere they went!