Humor

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Sewer Satire
By Kay Brown

This is not funny. Our sewer system, which for nine years has faithfully served us in silent humiliation, ceased to function last week. Surreptitiously, it began bubbling its noxious contents from a clean-out pipe under the new, indestructible $8,000.00 deck we just added onto our home. Tightly containing the repulsive liquid overflow, the enormous and amazingly well built edifice kept us from noticing the problem for some time; the result reminded us somewhat of a nasty, nauseating, nightmarish swimming pool. I said this was not funny.

Gross.

Nine people live here! After we discovered the situation and quit screaming, we began to deal with washing nine people’s clothes, bodies and dishes without indoor drains, not to mention significant and challenging toilet issues. Suddenly, something to which we had not given a single thought became a central component to our every thought and every action, as well. We declared a family emergency. We put our family on critical alert status. We almost called the President of the United States. He would have understood; he is used to dealing with large groups of people in crisis.

I learned quite a bit about appreciation.

The sewer catastrophe would not have been so horrid had several other things not broken within the same period, but of course, they did. Suddenly demanding our time and attention, the door to the refrigerator absolutely refused to close. Our van developed a ‘terminal’ illness. Not surprisingly, the already broken dishwasher, water dispenser and bathtub faucet did not repair themselves, but their conditions added somehow to the disaster.

Last week was so ghastly, I began to notice when anything actually did work like it was supposed to! I began to praise God for every little domestic success. I was charmingly surprised when I reached the repairperson I needed by simply pressing numbers on the telephone,. When I started my coffeemaker, the comforting aroma of brewing coffee was especially delightful. Just hearing the rumble of the dryer caused me to be sincerely thankful. I even appreciated my working husband…he works hard to pay for repairs on things that do not work.

Now, I deeply cherish my fully functioning sewer system.

Actually, in a way, the whole ordeal was funny. It was funny in that I have never prayed, “Lord, please let all my appliances, my vehicle and my household drainage system fail at the same time,” but I have repeatedly prayed, “Lord, use my circumstances to glorify Yourself; help me to trust You when things get tough,” and “Teach me Your ways in all things.” Last week, as we rode the wave of distressing inconvenience, I did trust Him; I quite literally held my breath to see what He would do. The whole thing was out of my hands (thank goodness).

God answered my prayers. The end of story is that the septic pump truck and the plumber arrived within an hour of when we called. We live in a rural area well known for unreliable service; it was a bona fide miracle that we received service that quickly. My children learned to ‘rough it’ a little and did not die. We all were given an opportunity to pitch in and be creative with domestic chores and simultaneously were granted a healthy dose of appreciation. Overall, we did pretty well.

No one lost his or her temper, cried or had a nervous breakdown, so I have concluded we passed some bizarre family character test. I just cannot wait for the next test that gives us an opportunity to glorify God through some gruesome trial. Okay, maybe I can wait a little while – at least until we get this one cleaned up.

(I think it might be some time before I want to go swimming.)

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