Encouragement

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I was reminded yesterday of a collection of writings I have....writings from hearts throughout church history which hungrily pursued God....a pursuit I long after, yet fall so short of in the reality of my day to day journey in this temporary sphere, a sphere created by loving hands desiring communion with my heart. A heart I hold at bay, not knowing how to release it. Why is that?

It doesn’t matter how often I ask the question....the answer remains as much a mystery as ever. I could offer pat answers – given answers that would fill in the blank: fear, self-sufficiency, pride, desire for control, self-centeredness.....the list would be endless. Yet each answer rings hollow....as empty as the vastness of the black hole I feel burning in the core of my being. Filling the blank with any of these choices seems to feed the hole rather than fill it.

My heart is left crying out, "Oh, Jehovah Jireh, Creator of the universe, the galaxies, all that ever was or ever will be; You, who knowing me, yet love me with a burning passion that consumed all barriers separating our hearts, making a way for me through the crimson fountain flowing from Your Beloved Son’s very life; Oh, Father – reveal my heart! Uncover that essence within me that won’t release me to BE Yours...utterly! Reveal what to my eyes remains a mystery – unlock-able, keyless, apart from the Light of Truth You Yourself are. Oh, Spirit of the Living God, turn the key that releases the door to understanding."

*****

Did a door open? I’m not sure, though I find myself in a burgeoning garden magnificent in design, in splendor. A garden as ancient as time itself, indescribable, calling my name in ceaseless pulsation, matching every beat of my heart. Love stirs the air caressingly about me, and I breathe in life, deeply, enveloped in joyous freedom, giving flight to my soul.

I am not a stranger to this place. I have been here since God-breath filled clay nostrils. I gaze about with the knowledge that nothing is lacking, still. Every possible need remains perceived and already met in overwhelming fullness. In glorious delight, reaching out, I lay hold of, nothing.

Like liquid reflection stirred by the merest touch of life outside itself, only the ripple-distorted image of what I reached for remains. Confused I reach out, again, and again, finding only a rippling likeness, formless, beyond grasp. Fall to my knees, I may, in dismay.

A fatal flaw crept in seasons ago, undetected, going unhindered. Having taken up residence, darkness spread. Deceitful darkness, in the guise of sight, imprisoned a heart.

*****

The door, so recently opened, closes. My imprisoned heart, still longing for release, continues its cry, admittedly, still searching, yet now with less hope than before.
The fatal flaw....a creeping flaw.....undetected....unhindered....deceitfully disguised. Oh, Spirit of the Living God, Light and Truth embodied, Revealer of hidden things, like You did for Paul laying amidst Damascus’ darkness, heart calling out to all You are, remove the scales that blind my eyes.

*****

Once more, the garden lays before me, its voice...its image, now subtly transformed. Looking on, my new eyes see myself kneeling, in longing, in confusion, hand once more tremulously stretched forth. Continuing to gaze, tears now stream down my cheeks, the flowing rivulet unchecked as this ache crossing two realms becomes unbearable in its burden. This is not Eve kneeling here, yet the residual Eve-ishness in this heart testifies to her lingering heritage.

Smothering helplessness steals breath, steals thoughts, when consciousness of another’s presence shifts my gaze to one beside me whose own love-filled eyes shimmer with yet unshed tears. Slowly, awareness envelopes me, our gazes remaining fixed on each other as a single tear cuts a path down his countenance, marred by marks of sacrificial love.

At last, heart pounding, my gaze shifts from these eyes defying description, offering overwhelming warmth, unimaginable hope, afloat in a silent plea for my understanding, and turn back to gaze upon the abject form still kneeling in the clay of her birth. But the single image has now become two, the old transposed over the new, actions hauntingly mirroring one another, though one pristine, shimmering with agelessness.

Sensing the presence beside me move perceptively closer, I am strangely comforted, even when his appearance suddenly overwhelms the nearly mirrored gardens lying, even yet, before me. In each, his presence, undeniable, so clearly, visibly the life-force breathing and sustaining the very essence of all things, life streams from him. I stare in wonderment, the gardens and all they contain fading in the glory shining forth truth-light.


Hope barely birthed dies, for as I watch, awash in a dawning awareness, the kneeling figures begin reaching out again, tremulously, yet persistently. My mind grapples with the reality that both hearts remain unmoved by glory’s presence, desiring instead the faded images that will forever remain rippling beyond such reach. For a fleeting moment I hold the loving gaze of one having given so much of himself, again left, rejected, denied, before he turns with anguished longing embracing anew two who remain unaware of his presence, of all he is.

*****

Before tear-choked words can be given voice, the images fade, but a seed of understanding has been planted in the soil of my soul, once holding only questions. How to give voice to this dawning comprehension remains mystifying. This unexpected journey, begun with a longing, with a hunger for God, for oneness with his heart, opened eyes I never knew closed. I’m left pondering the images still seen vividly in my mind’s eye, and a whispered word my ears had not caught before for all it was seeing, now reverberates, throughout my being...heart...heart...heart...and I am drawn back to the question beginning this quest.

How, unequivocally, does one release a heart without conditions to commune with God? What bars make up the prison cutting it off from any consistency with God’s heart? I’ve come to believe the garden holds a key, as it does to so many things in our journey heavenward. In the midst of perfection, in that abode lovingly formed by God’s own hands to house hearts designed to join in perpetual communion with Him, basking in His presence, feasting with Him amidst the harvest of this earthbound heaven, creation lost sight of Creator, reducing His glory until He became in our consciousness little more than part of the whole. Part of the whole...the God of Glory, the Alpha and the Omega, the Ancient of Days, the great I Am that I Am!

Mankind, though acknowledging God with the mind, reduced His essence to such an infinitesimal “reality” He no longer represents any real influence in life...for He does not remain cognizant reality. At least in part, He remains barely more than an avenue to gaining our desires, regardless of how pure these desire may appear to be, for buried within the original God-breath that still fills each man’s nostril’s lies a remnant of buried memory...we are but created.
Reflect a moment. A token recognition of Almighty God-ness, delegated to the intellectual aspect of our being, and though we may let Him free of this intellectual cage, it is for mere moments until once again God is neatly compartmentalized to His own holding chamber in our mind. Some chambers holding Him may be ornately furnished with all the proper trappings of the religiously minded, while others remain stark, and bare, and cold. It makes little difference, for the relational God of the universe has no access to His rightful place of residence.

If you doubt this, look yourself at the garden, the twin gardens, if you dare. What truth unfolds across the ages? God’s presence walks...His words hang in the air loving, guiding, nourishing souls, though ultimately, His truth’s rejected, abandoned for better wisdom. With the mind? I don’t think so.

The garden and its choices are all too prevalent, again and again and again. What do we find? Imprisoned hearts, held captive by stubborn reluctance, no, by unwillingness, to grant God His God-ness. Not shared, but with singleness of truth. Not in the intellect, but in the heart, in the soul, the only realms where God takes up residence.

The further history moves from the birth of the garden, the easier it has become, even in the Christian heart, to deny God His deity. Mind you, not in the intellect. He may still reign somewhat supreme there, but in the heart, in the soul, in the seat where truth reigns. Where communion finds birth and flourishes, where fellowship leads to one-ness, God must be recognized as God, as the One and only claimant to Kingship.

*****

Forgive me, Lord God, for imprisoning You in my mind, allowing You so little reign in my heart. Daily quicken my soul to the overwhelming truth that You are GOD! You alone, there is no other. Sovereign Lord, teach me daily the awesomeness of Your God-ness. Strip my heart of those lies that would grant us equal footing. Rekindle my soul to an awareness of my creature-hood by holding ever before my eyes your glory. Every time my heart turns, tends to wander from Your presence, bend my knee. Lead my heart to quake and my soul to rejoice at the return of my King to His rightful domain.

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