Family

Things My Mother Taught Me

by Patricia Gable
01/17/22
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Things My Mother Taught Me

     Growing up in the fifties, my life mimicked the popular TV shows of the time--Ozzie and Harriet or The Donna Reed Show. Stay-at-home moms and family dinners were the norm, and everyone walked home from school for a hot lunch.  Things weren’t as fast paced as they are today. Children played outside and didn’t bounce from one after-school activity to another. Of course, that would have been difficult because there was only one family car and dad drove to work. Hard to believe. 

     It didn’t seem to destroy us, though. In fact, I’d say that we became inventive thinkers and learned to entertain ourselves rather than depending on Play Stations, cell phones and computers. Most of all, moms were different. The main career, the main focus, was being a mom. And if you were lucky, you had a memorable one. 

     Bessie Jane, my mom, was named after the family horse. Her birth order was somewhere in the middle of nine children and four more half-brothers and sisters. My cousins always thought of her as the ditzy aunt. In the midst of a calm conversation, she would suddenly start yodeling just to get everyone’s attention and her sneezes would shake the dishes in the china cabinet.

     Mom took her job as a homemaker seriously. She taught me many practical things: how to wrap a present, how to make perfect corners with the sheets when making the bed and how to iron. In the kitchen, she taught me how to snap fresh green beans, husk corn and how to make a perfect pie crust. In the community, she taught me that it’s ok to look silly in a giant bunny suit if it makes the kids happy at the neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt. 

     Mom taught me to have a good work ethic. She always stayed busy around the house. Painting, gardening, laundry. She even ironed the bed sheets! Everything at home was neat and tidy. She used to say, “Our house may have some dirt but it’s clean

dirt!”

     In my youth I learned such pearls of wisdom as: “Don’t look down when you walk in public because people will think you are ashamed of yourself.” or “Freshen up before your husband comes home from work so he will be happy to be home.” Or my favorite: “Never let a boy put his hand on your knee.” I used to think that was how a girl got pregnant!

     There was a dark side of mom from which I learned as well. Bessie had strong negative opinions about African Americans and foreigners. Traveling in the south on vacation, though I was only a young girl, I vividly remember her leaving a restaurant when a black waitress appeared at our table to serve us. Another time at Disney World she told a group of Asian tourists to “Speak American!” As a child, I knew not to challenge her about those beliefs, but I learned, from her example, that it was something I did not want to copy.  My beliefs were formed by watching hatred and prejudice, taking that knowledge and doing the opposite.

     Unfortunately, Mom went through menopause while I went through puberty. That’s probably why my dad was bald. She was feisty and volatile while I was weepy and confused.  She chose this time to send me to charm school and a ballroom dance class.  Her gawky “ugly duckling” daughter needed polishing. And though I towered over her in height, she could still make me bend over while she swatted my behind with a spelling book for any back talk on my part. 

     Through it all, especially when I became a parent myself, I marveled at what a good childhood I had and how many things I learned from my mother. I melted when I watched Mom play with my sons, her grandsons. That was her best role. The gift of time and patience.

     Bessie is gone now. She’s helping God keep heaven clean.  She is laughing with her siblings and holding hands with my dad, her husband of 60 years. Yet I continue to feel her presence when I cradle my infant granddaughter.

     Looking back over my life, without a doubt, I know the most important thing that I learned from my mother. A great mother has an unconditional love that is so strong she is able to put the life and well-being of her child ahead of her own. In some cases, that means giving the child up for the chance to have a better life. That love is what I learned from my mother. For you see, my mother’s name is Joann.  She gave me up for adoption and Bessie became a mom.