Humor

It Was A Week That Was Shot To Pieces

by James Snyder 
06/27/20
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I only made one mistake last week, which is something of a record for me. I try limiting mistakes to one at a time, but not always in sequential order. I once tried to make my mistakes in a logical order, but it turned out to be a mistake.

The one faux pas I made was taking Monday off.

I proposed to the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage that we take Monday off late Sunday evening, suggesting a contest to see who could sleep in the longest. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage readily agreed to my plan.

This should have been a tip-off for me.

On Monday, we decided to have a "loafing contest" to see who was the best loafer. Up to this point, I assumed superiority in this area. Many things fall into the category of not being able to do by Yours Truly but not this. Therefore, I concluded I had this contest in the bag.

Monday turned out to be a terrific day. Unfortunately, my wife won the best loafer contest, but it was all in good fun, and we certainly enjoyed our day off.

That was Monday.

Starting on Tuesday, my week took a decidedly different turn.

First, my computer crashed, leaving me stranded. Nothing is quite as frustrating as having your computer out of commission for a long time.

I set off to take my computer to the repair shop. On the way, the car radiator broke. How these things break, I have no idea. All I know is, the little red light on the dashboard was on, and I knew I was in trouble.

I barely got the car to the garage. When the mechanic lifted the hood and examined my engine, he rubbed his hands with mischievous glee. When he looked at me with a smile smeared all over his puss. I knew I was in trouble.

"Reverend," he taunted, "Your radiator is shot to pieces."

I had no idea what that meant, but knew it involved lots of money being transferred from my account to his.

I left my car there. What else could I do?

My wife picked me up, and we took my computer to the repair shop. When the repair person looked at my computer, she rubbed her hands with mischievous glee and looked at me with a smile splotched all over her kisser. I knew I was in trouble again.

"Reverend," she sneered, "your hard drive is shot to pieces."

I had no idea what that meant, but knew it involved lots of money being transferred from my account to hers.

I left my computer at the repair shop and we drove to the optometrist to have my eyes checked. When the doctor saw me, he rubbed his hands with mischievous glee and looked at me with a smile glowing all over his face. I knew I was in trouble.

"Reverend," he observed, "your glasses are shot to pieces."

I knew what that meant and perceived it involved lots of money being transferred from my account to his.

I left my glasses at the eye doctor's office to be repaired.

Now I do not have glasses to see.

Fortunately, I don't have a car to drive, nor do I have my computer to work with. I do have backup glasses, but they are only good for backing up. Somehow, a theme was developing for my week.

Between my car, my computer, and my glasses, the week was drenched with out-of-pocket expenses of which I had run out of pockets. To make matters worse, or better depending on your perspective, I had a wedding to perform toward the end of the week.

Friday night was the rehearsal and Saturday afternoon at the wedding ceremony.

I could possibly do without my car, but all my wedding information and the ceremony were neatly stored on my computer. If worse came to worse, and it probably will, I can always ad-lib a wedding ceremony.

I've done so many through the years I probably could do it in my sleep. Whether I can do it awake was another story.

Along about Thursday, I was feeling somewhat blue about the whole week. Nothing seemed to go right for me, plus I did not know where I was going to get the money to pay for these unforeseen expenses.

The wedding rehearsal on Friday was set for 6:30, and my computer was ready at 6:15. Now, that's cutting the wedding cake rather close.

Between the car and computer repairs, I did not know how I would pay for both. Have you ever noticed when everything seems to go wrong, something unexpected happens?

While I was bemoaning my unfortunate week, several things happened.

One, I received an unexpected check from a magazine publishing some of my articles.

Two, I received an honorarium for the wedding—something I wasn't expecting.

These two checks covered my unexpected expenses for the week.

Third, the hard drive on my computer had a warranty, and I did not have to pay for it.

Thinking about my week, a wonderful verse of scripture romped through my mind. "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not" (Galatians 6:9).

Fainting is always an option, but the person who refuses to allow his week to make him weary will reap God's blessing.