Healthy Living

A Life Full of Should Haves

by Andrew Tuttle
06/12/20
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If you want to make God laugh
Tell Him your plans

-  On a church marquee somewhere

I can remember especially in my teen years what it would be like if life came with a certain number of do-overs.

If chose to do so, you could “cash-in” a do-over (to who I have no idea) and eliminate a decision that, at the time’s thinking, would prevent a lifetime of regret. This thought process, I believe, came about when I’d imagine asking a certain female out on a date, getting rejected and then tapping into my stock of do-overs. Or even simply attempting something unorthodox. If only I could see what would happen and then take it back if it went south.

Through the years I’d imagine using this “super power” if you will to test certain decisions to see if it was the right one. Even my first screenplay tackles the idea of getting a new chance at life.

Alas, no such regret button exists. We’re stuck with our choices and forced to live with the outcome.

One almost incident in high school that as luck would have it didn’t require my use of a do-over and forever hides an unknown future but one I can easily surmise. A silly school boy crush pushed me to do something unthinkable and to this day it’s something that still makes me question my sanity.

For some odd reason I felt it necessary to call a girl who I had yet to have any meaningful conversation with and tell her my feelings (which she already knew) and I wanted some type of answer.  In those days the latest and greatest phone gadget allowed three people on three different lines to talk so for added backbone a friend of mine was on the line while I called.

I believe I had notes written on a flash card that I planned on reading when she came to the phone. I called, notes ready, and asked for her. She wasn’t home. It’s as if God was saying “Don’t do this.” I didn’t listen. Believe it or not I called again an hour or two later. It was her brother I believe, who answered again, certainly not an adult. Again she wasn’t home. But this time added information was brought to light. She was at her boyfriend’s house. Holy Crap. My friend on the other line gasped in his own little way which I heard. I ended the call and thankfully my ambition to spill my guts.

Thank God she wasn’t home and yes so many years later I still thank God that she was at her boyfriend’s. I have no doubt the embarrassing outcome I would have faced the next day, weeks and maybe even months. I would have gladly given up all available life do-overs to take that one incident back.

After the Seattle Seahawks lost the Superbowl to the New England Patriots some years ago, I laid in bed and thought of Coach Pete Carroll and wondered if he was able to sleep. Is he a man comfortable with his decisions no matter the outcome? I recall my wife saying she wanted to send a note of encouragement to quarterback Russell Wilson who threw that interception. She didn’t even watch the game! I find it hard to believe those two as well as other members of the Seattle Seahawks don’t relive that fateful decision to pass the football. A regrettable decision that cost them Super Bowl XLIX.

I know I’d be running that play over and over in my head (I’m not even on the team and I still do it) and getting so deep in my thoughts that I’d actually imagine dipping into that unavailable do-over. Knowing me though, I probably would have used my allotment before graduating high school. “Save your do-overs son,” my parents would have said. “You’ll need them.”

“Nothing is more important than high school,” I would have said to myself.

“I should-have” runs through my mind frequently, even now. I should have done this, I should have done that. What if I had done this instead? Some people master the art of living with their decisions, others have yet to and many likely won’t.  I am sure some of these “should-haves” resonate with a lot of people:

I should have bought that car
I should have taken that job
I should have married her
I shouldn’t have exploded like that
I should have stayed home
I shouldn’t have gone out
I should have called
I should have gone to the doctor sooner

A life full of should-haves drives you crazy, doesn’t it? Learning from your mistakes is what we lean on to salve the wounds of regret. In the end, we can say had that not happened, then maybe this wouldn’t have or would have happened. Maybe Coach Carroll, QB Wilson and the Seahawks win the next three Super Bowls. It could be said then, “Well they could have won five straight,” or, perhaps, “had they not thrown away the Super Bowl they wouldn’t have won the next three.”

In many respects, regret is an interesting conundrum. Each decision takes us down an unknown path that presents additional decisions that rarely, if ever, cross paths with the original decision taken the other way.

What if that girl had been home and I told her my feelings? And she responded in kind! But years later I regretted making that call for a completely different reason? The number of should-haves in my life could turn into an endless blog. Luckily, most are small you move on. Others not so much. They leave you wondering about how life could have or should have been. Perhaps the real struggle is not knowing whether the regret is justified or what looks to be a poor decision offered a better outcome.

There’s a common phrase about how God works in mysterious ways. It’s not Biblical at all. Nowhere does it say that God works in mysterious ways. Though it’s clear His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.

In Philippians 3:13, Paul says “…but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.” Certainly, you don’t have to be a Christian to heed this advice.

It’s easy to sift through the ashes of regret. But putting charred remains back together is as impossible as getting a do-over and erasing a regretful decision from memory.

And maybe that’s what makes life so exciting. A total and complete unknown until we decide which path to take and never looking back.