Testimonies

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I never saw myself as a writer and I definitely didn’t see myself as a storm.

That just seems to be how my life has always been.

I wanted to be an artist and my dad said, “I bet you’re going to be a teacher.” (He wasn’t very fond of teachers.) I was going to show him.

I took all the art classes and bookkeeping classes that I thought would get me started in opening and owning a little craft and book store. After one year, I dropped out of college and tried to find myself. I didn’t find myself, but found that I could be just as happy living in a shack as in a mansion. That would be good for later in life.

Then I went back to college and tried psychology, and I was going to make a difference in this world. After one year of that, I renamed it sick-ology and found myself in the education department, getting my teacher’s degree. I still was going to make a difference in this world, so I entered the world of Special Education in the area of working with emotionally handicapped children. After having personal experiences watching the adults that I loved in so much pain because of past experiences they never got over, I thought I would target children. Teach them love early on, don’t wait till later, when so much damage has already been done.

Then life happened, even though I had already been through more than my share of trouble.

Working with children, I witnessed more pain than I could handle. No wonder adults were so messed up, when it is so hard to have a normal childhood. Someday, I may write a book about the horrors most children have to live through. How they make it to adulthood, is a miracle in itself.

I have made so many mistakes in my life and I have seen so many mistakes in lives of so many I have grown close to and whom I love. It was breaking my heart and my spirit.

Life came tumbling down for me. I didn’t tell anyone how sick I was. I didn’t want their prayers.

I had reached the conclusion, that this world was too painful to be in and I wanted to go Home. I told the Lord that I was ready to let it all go, and I wouldn’t look back. I did ask Him to promise that He would take care of my children, knowing perfectly well that He already is and always will. Trusting in Him, and knowing that with Him anything is possible, I knew that I would have nothing to worry about, when I was gone.

Of course, people that know the Lord, know that He works in mysterious ways. So He took me and said, “Will you be content to sit at My Feet?”

At this point in my life, there was no place that I would rather be. There was no question about it.

This is the point where He put into my heart, His desires for my life. I had finally admitted utter defeat at trying to run my own life and I was willing to give everything over to Him, and that is what He had been waiting for.

Then He showed me His vision. He is calling Home all of His lost sheep and He will not give up, even one. Until He has called that very last sheep to Him, those in Him, will be like Him, and will not be content until all are called Home. So there I had it. The dilemma. Would it be better here working for Him or Home longing for the lost sheep? I hadn’t completed the work, that I had been created for, and now I was being given the chance.

That sure put a whole new perspective on life. My whole focus changed and nothing seemed important anymore, except my new focus.

Then the real work began. He needed to make some major changes in me and He is so merciful, that He doesn’t do it all at once. Everyday, He makes me aware of the pride that creeps back into my life and the things that I thought I had let go of and hadn’t yet. He is now showing me how to let it all go.

Then He asked me, “Would you be willing to be my storm?”

“A storm, why would You want me to be a storm?” “Storms scare people and they won’t want to be around me.” “I like being around people.” He explained to me that a storm will keep the focus on Him and not me. That made sense. I have come to hate the pride in me and that would help keep the focus where it belongs, on Him. I would be the storm that would get people to call to Him and ask Him, “What is she talking about? Is what she saying, true?”

That is how I became a storm for Him. So, please have compassion for the storm He has sent me to be. My only intention is for you to ask Him, "Is what she saying true? Lord what is it that You want me to know?"

I had someone I hold very dear to me, tell me that my writing, sometimes sounds like shouting. When I do shout, please do as the disciples did, call out to the Lord and have Him calm the storm, have Him explain to you want He wants you to hear.

So many of you are not called to be a storm, but to be vessels for saying the Loving words that He gives, to draw His loved ones near. I am very grateful for these writers, and sometimes a little envious. But as Paul reminded us, “To each one is given his or her own gift.” And as our Lord reminded me, “My grace is sufficient for you.”

Our Lord is so merciful and He has not given me all turbulent and shouting things to say, and when He gives me Loving words I feel even more blessed. So I am no longer envious, but content.

Luke 15
3So He spoke this parable to them, saying:
4"What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, "Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' 7I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.



Mark 4
37And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. 38But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?"
39Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace, be still!" And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. 40But He said to them, "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?" 41And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, "Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!"

Luke 8
23But as they sailed He fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water, and were in jeopardy. 24And they came to Him and awoke Him, saying, "Master, Master, we are perishing!" Then He arose and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water. And they ceased, and there was a calm. 25But He said to them, "Where is your faith?"
And they were afraid, and marveled, saying to one another, "Who can this be? For He commands even the winds and water, and they obey Him!"

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