Christian Living

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One of my favorite Christian music videos of all-time is the song “Gather At The River” by Point of Grace. The video depicts various people who need to take a dip in the river of forgiveness. These scenes portray the dip each person should take when it comes to forgiveness. This river represents the living water – Jesus Christ. A dip in this water cleanses us and washes all of our unforgiveness. When we plunge into the flow of the living water, we are cleansed and resurface as a new person.

Unforgiveness is perhaps one of the most common things which entangle Christians. It is certainly a most difficult thing to manage in life. I, for one, would like to be good at forgiveness. Sadly, I do not excel in this area although I continue to have plenty of practice with it. It is too often that I strive for justice rather than forgiveness when someone has done me wrong. In recent years I have battled with the tendency to make people accountable for their words and actions against me. In contrast, when the situation is reversed, I hope for mercy rather than justice for myself. I know that I am not alone in this. Many Christians struggle with forgiveness and avoiding the grudge that can easily set within the heart.

I think we are all willing to forgive but we get trapped in what I call the “forgiveness standoff.” This is the time when we are waiting for the other party to make the move and ask for forgiveness. The standoff is quite agonizing at times and may even last for several years. Forgiveness becomes a contest of who can hold out the longest. This “survival pride” is simply a waste of precious time. There are no points or gold medals awarded for the person who can hold out. Forgiveness isn’t a game, it’s serious. Eternal consequences are at stake and action should be taken to resolve our conflicts.

Like many, I have always wondered when Peter asked Jesus about how many times we should forgive someone. Peter assumed that Jesus would set a standard of seven times but Jesus responded by saying: “I say not unto thee, until seven times but until seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:22) So that means 490 times right? Wrong. Jesus was telling Peter – and us today – that there should be no limit to our forgiveness. Now this is difficult for me to comprehend. If the same person repeatedly does me wrong, does that means I am always to offer forgiveness? This is true; however, Jesus never expected us to check our brains at the door either. It is necessary to realize that we shouldn’t put ourselves in a position to be wronged that many times. If I had a friend that constantly told lies about me to someone, it wouldn’t take a genius to realize that this person wouldn’t be in the “friends” category for much longer. Although I am commanded to forgive, I don’t have to constantly put myself in a position to be a repeat victim.

Admit it – relationships are difficult! If we are going to have successful relationships with people, we must do well in forgiving. While friends are one set of people where there are complications with practicing forgiveness, family presents a whole set of different problems in itself. Family strife can really strangle you in the forgiveness department. There are some relatives I’m sure that unless we were related, we wouldn’t even be friends. To put it bluntly, family can drive you crazy! They can really push that 70 x 7 forgiveness formula. This is also the place where you will find more of these “forgiveness standoffs” than in any other relationship. Just like the Hatfields and the McCoys, families can carry on a feud for years and – in most cases – the feud goes so long that they forget what the original offense was to cause the standoff.

In an ideal Christian world, we would forgive everybody and have an angelic smile constantly on our faces. Get real! This is life and forgiveness is hard. Resolving a standoff is particularly difficult. Each side fears that giving in and taking the first step in forgiveness would make them the weaker person. The major reason is pride and the struggle to save face. Forget the pride game. Forgiveness is the most courageous step a person can make. If the relationship with the other party is important to you, you will find a way to take the step. Just as the individuals in the Point of Grace video push aside their reluctance to jump into the river of forgiveness, we must also push aside those things which stand in the way of being able to get into the flow of what Jesus wants to do in our lives.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 we see what Jesus wants us to do in our relationships. First we must have patience in our love for each other. Naturally we are not perfect, but too often we set the standard so high that we neglect to give others credit for being human and capable of making mistakes. I’m always amazed at the people who complain that others should make allowances for them but they do not play this “allowance” rule in both directions. There is no record where Jesus says that allowances are only made in one direction.

We must also not be so easily offended. Having spent most of my life involved in church, I have always been amazed at the sensitivity that Christians have in getting their feelings hurt. I have seen some get offended because another did not shake their hand while they never make the attempt to greet anyone themselves. They sit down in their pew and take a mental record of those who have and have not greeted them. This is totally ridiculous. We should be more mature than this! There is no cause for this offending entrapment to have grounds in holding a grudge. If we bring this objection in the Lord’s courtroom, He will overrule us each time in favor of showing love toward each other.

Unforgiveness in any form gives Satan a stronghold in our lives which he can take advantage of and make our lives miserable. It can also cripple our prayer life. Forgiveness is one of the least-known secrets of answered prayer. It is a vital key to exercising power over principalities and powers. We have no choice as followers of Christ: we must live in a spirit of forgiveness. (Secret Sources of Power by Tommy Tenney)

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