Just when I think I have all my bases covered, a new one shows up, and it’s not a homerun.
I know all my tocks don’t tick, but I do the best I can. I may not be the best all the time, but I try, and I try, and I try. I do not want to be a nuisance to anybody, so I try not to, especially with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. (Does trying count for anything?)
Quite often, I make the mistake of believing because I have been married so long I know my wife and what she is going to do or say next.
Confidence is a tricky thing, however. The more confidence I think I have, the more trouble I seem to get into. I certainly do not want to be negative in this regard, but I have the proof that it works in my life.
For instance, on her birthday, I try to give her something that will make her happy. If you do not think that is a hard chore, then come over to my house and try it one time. Just when I think she is into a certain thing, I blow it.
I have blown this so many times that there is a hurricane named after me.
I worked very hard trying to find a Christmas gift that will surprise her and delight her. Occasionally, I will succeed. I remember one year I got her something special and she was very delighted with it. She thanked me several times. I was happy.
My memory being what it is or isn’t, the next year I got her the same Christmas gift. She opened it and said, “Oh, isn’t this what you got me last year?”
One thing, she is a marvelous chef and can bake, cook and fry anything and it all comes out delicious. Except, for that nasty little thing called “broccoli.”
I love everything that she cooks except that, of course.
The proof of her ability as a chef is me. When we first met, I was as skinny as they come without even one fat cell in my body. Now, look at me. And, it is all her fault.
Recently, this thing about thinking showed itself.
Many things I love to eat, but my wife’s mac and cheese has to be at the top of the list. She makes the best M and C that I have ever tasted. Being the kind of husband that usually gets in trouble, I try compensating by always thanking and praising her for this delicious dish.
I had been at a two-day conference and was greatly delighted to get home. They do have lunch at those conferences, but not quite the quality I am accustomed to. I was quite anxious to get home and have what they call a “home-cooked dinner.” By the time I got home, all I could think about was dinner that night.
One of the dishes she had was her infamous mac and cheese. I could not tell her how delighted I was to be home and especially to enjoy some of this macaroni and cheese.
We sat down at the table, had prayer and then I delved into the luxury of one of the best home-cooked dinners I ever had. At the center of the table was this magnificent Mac and cheese.
What happened next was something I had not planned for.
She told me one of her friends brought over some things for our dinner. She did not say exactly, but I took it to mean that the mac and cheese was one of the dishes.
Looking at me she said, “What do you think of that mac and cheese?”
At the time, I was not thinking of any trick questions. I responded by simply saying, “It’s wonderful, but it’s not quite as good as the ones you make.” Then I flashed a waxy smile in her direction.
“That’s not as good as mine?”
Without even looking up I replied, “This is good, but not as good as the ones you make. Yours are much better than this one.”
“Are you sure about that? You’re not just putting me on?”
I laid my fork down and looked at her and said, “My dear, there is nothing to compare with the mac and cheese that you make. I can tell the difference a mile away. You make the best mac and cheese I have ever tasted. This may be good, but it’s not up to your standard.”
I thought I made some good points with her. Every husband is always looking for ways to make points with his wife. I was assuming I had hit the marital lottery.
Looking at me, she stated very sternly, “That mac and cheese is mine. I made it especially for you.”
I have never been good at backpedaling a situation. I am somewhat of a wordsmith, but I could not think of any words that could in any way help me out of this situation.
I remember what James said, “For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body” (James 3:2).
I know that I am not a perfect person. I get in deep trouble when for some reason I think otherwise.