Humor

Whatever Happened to the Simple Things in Life?

by James Snyder 
06/22/19
Free to Share
Author requests article critique

  Message Writer
  Hire Writer

Tweet

I’m not a very complicated person. I like simple things; things nice and easy. Occasionally I will do a crossword puzzle, but beside that, I enjoy the simple life.

On the other side, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is very complicated. Just when I have everything figured out, I find another side of her that I did not know was there.

I suppose that is what married life is all about; year-by-year discovering new aspects of your spouse.

I am very simple minded when it comes to going out to eat.

When we go to a restaurant, for example, I’m very simple in what I order. Most of the time I order the same thing because I enjoy what I am eating at the time.

My wife is not quite like that. Ordering her supper is quite a complicated thing. It takes several minutes to go through the menu and then several minutes to think about what she wants to eat.

Me, I tell the waitress, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, French fries and a Diet Coke.” And that’s that.

“You had that,” my wife will say, “yesterday. Why don’t you pick something different for tonight?”

I remember one time I made a drastic mistake which I will never repeat. I said to my wife, “Okay, why don’t you choose my supper for tonight?”

Boy, did she have a time ordering for me. I do not even know what she ordered, but it was a lot. I saw more on my plate than I could possibly eat. Some things on my plate I did not know exactly what they were. I was very careful that none of it resembled broccoli.

I have not made that mistake ever again. However, she often asks me, “Would you like me to choose your supper for tonight?”

Since that time, I have reverted to the simple things, especially when it comes to eating out at a restaurant.

Once I had to buy some new shirts along with some new ties. For some reason I went shopping by myself, which in itself is good.

When I came home that night from my shopping spree, my wife looked at all the shirts and ties I bought.

“You bought these shirts?”

She looked at the shirts and then at me with both hands on her hips and said, “These shirts are the same shirts you have in your closet. Why didn’t you get something different?”

My assumption is, a shirt is a shirt and if I am going to get a new shirt, I should get a new shirt that replaces the old shirt. Simple!

In my simple way of life, I only wear white shirts. I can buy these shirts and not even have to think about what I am buying. A shirt is a shirt and what is wrong with white?

The next time my wife took me shopping. It was the worst shopping experience I have ever had.

We went to the men’s clothing store and then the simplicity of life ended in a crash. My wife spent all afternoon looking at all kinds of shirts in all kinds of colors and then trying to find ties that would match. I did not know so many colors existed in the world. I do not even think the rainbow has as many colors.

My idea is that a white shirt never draws attention. A shirt of any color always draws attention to itself. I like to slip in and slip out without notice; it is the simple way of doing things.

When it comes to work, I am rather simple. I start a task and keep at it and to its finished, then I move on to the next task. I do not like to confuse things and so I do everything simply.

My wife is not like that. She is one of those “Multitaskers” that you hear about.

I was watching on television a man juggling four balls in the air at the same time. In the middle of his act, I stopped, looked at my wife and said, “That’s you. You have too many balls in the air.”

It is true. She can juggle four tasks at the same time and get them all done perfectly.

Don’t get me wrong here. I respect and can appreciate that kind of work ethic. I cheer her on and encourage her. There's only one small problem.

Because my wife is a Multitasker, she expects the person who said, “I do,” at the wedding altar to have the same work ethic. I’ve tried to explain this, but by the time I finished explaining it, she is already on to the next topic. I cannot possibly keep up.

Even when we take a few vacation days, she cannot sit still and enjoy the simple life.

She does more on a two-day vacation spree than I do all year long. I cannot keep up with her. I discovered if I let her do “her thing,” I will have the opportunity to do “my thing,” which is just enjoying the simple things of life.

I was thinking of what David once said. “Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies” (Psalm 27:11).

Following the Lord is a very simple thing. Just trust Him and he will lead you in a plain path.