Humor

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What’s John Kerry Up To? REALLY!


Pondering over John Kerry’s great speeches, great insight, Cheez! Here we go again!

“Eliminating more military installation and units will make the military better, stronger, and maybe more able to defend this country against our enemies!”

About Iraq and the Iraqi officials: “I expect them to work towards the elimination of human rights!”

“Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and a child, a husband and wife, a person and the state!”

To Afganistanis: “You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, as far I’m concerned, happy campers you will always be! Is this the fifty-first or fifty-second state? I can’t remember which?”

To the United Negro College Fund: “What a terrible thing to have lost one’s mind and chains—or not to have a mind at all. How true that is!”

To Roman Catholics: “My friends, my brothers and sisters, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, ever surrender to what is moral, right, decent and Godly!”

“I stand by all the misstatements and lies that I’ve made and accused President George W. Bush of!”

“I just love Ohio! I practically grew of in Hanoi!”

“I was known as a family’s man in Hanoi!”

“We’re going to have the best informed and educated American people in the whole wide world as soon as we get rid of the public school systems in this country!”

The Boston Democratic Forum: “It was the wrong war, at the wrong time, in the wrong American city.”

“I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom, liberty, and less taxes, but that will surely change when I’m elected President!”

Boston Globe 4/1/04: “The other day Tom Daschle said: ‘I know you’ve had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith I have in you, in you’re your maturity and sense of responsibility. He paused and then said, would you like a puppy?”

“I want to make abortion safe, abundant and human life rare!”

At Harvard University: “I’m going to lead this country out of its economic recovery and into moral hedonism and degradation as quickly and safely as possible!”

“Our party has been accused of fooling the American public by calling tax breaks only for the middle class. Yeah, yeah I know President Kennedy did for everybody and it helped stimulate the economy! But he was a Democrat and not a Republican!”

“For the military space, safe weapons and purple hearts are always a high priority!”

“I deserve respect for everything I did not lie about.”

“So what if I’m in the Hanoi Hall of Fame for Heroism! I earned it! I deserve it! I have three purple hears, a bronze star, Navy Cross, Red Star and North Vietnamese Legion of Merit as proof!”

“My policies are foreign to our friends as well as to our adversaries.”

“About breast cancer: Speaking as a liberated man, it’s not a woman issues. We men are tired of being deceived by our woman.”

“What a person does in their public service life should have no impact upon their religious life or vice versa.”

“To those suffering from Post Election Selection Trauma Syndrome as a result of my defeat—Get a freakin’ life! Will you?”



Stephen A. Peterson, © 2004

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