Humor

Ha, Ha, I Knew I Was Right!

by James Snyder 
12/01/18
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Did you ever experience a time when you were right and had the evidence to prove you were right?

I know that for me, it does not happen very often. In fact, I cannot think of a time that it really did happen to me. Well, until recently. I want to remember this incident as long as I live.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was preparing for our Thanksgiving family get-together. It takes her weeks to get everything prepared; she is so meticulous and will not allow anything to go wrong from her point of view. Everything has to be done just so.

Experience has taught me during this time of the year to stay out of the kitchen! That is why I am still living to this very day.

However, it does have its advantages. I can relax in my “man cave” and stay out of her way. I know that if I ever get in her way she always, without exception, has a job for me to do. I like working, but not under those circumstances. If she cannot see me, she cannot give me work to do.

One thing she is most focused on are vegetables. According to her, there has to be a balance of vegetables and the greener the better.

I, on the other side of the “I Do” aisle, have very little patience for vegetables. I was losing the battle for this vegetables war until recently.

I was haphazardly watching the news one night when they came out with a very scary bulletin. It seems that a certain vegetable (I will not name it because I am not a vegetable person and a vegetable to me is a vegetable) was infected and giving people E. coli.

When I first heard that news, I thought I heard it wrong. After all, I have been told all my life that vegetables are good for you and will not harm you. A healthy diet includes lots of veggies. Then they come along with this warning that you should not buy this certain vegetable.

“Hey, my dear,” I cheerfully said, “come and look at this news report.”

I love modern technology because by the time she got into the room the television report was over. Very nonchalantly, I pressed the rewind button and was able to replay that news report about a certain vegetable.

I was as quiet as long as I possibly could be, and then I blurted out, “See, I told you, vegetables are not all good.”

She gave me one of “those looks” and walked back into the kitchen.

I grew up in a farm community in Pennsylvania and one of the sayings my grandfather had was, “When you have a cow you need to milk it.” And I was about to milk this for everything I could.

I grabbed my coffee cup and went out in the kitchen to get another fresh cup of coffee and when I was there, I happened to mention, “I always knew vegetables could be dangerous.”

She looked at me and then said, “That is only one incident and I’m not sure it’s even true.”

“If it’s on TV it has to be true,” I spurted very sarcastically.

Then I had an idea burning in my head that I had been wanting to share with her for a long time but never had an opportunity. She is always getting on my case about my apple fritters, and how harmful they were to me. When saying that she was always staring at my fully developed stomach.

“There has never been,” I began as seriously as possible, “any news report that apple fritters are harmful to your health. Certainly, not like this vegetable on the news today.”

She looked at me and smiled, but as I walked away, I could see out of the corner of my eye she was sticking her tongue out at me. It feels so good to be right about something and have it collaborated by the “TV news media.”

This is a novel experience for me to be certain. It might be the only one so I plan to enjoy it as long as possible. During the next few days whenever we crossed paths I always smiled victoriously at her.

At our family Thanksgiving get together, I noticed that a certain “vegetable” was not on the table. You do not know how hard it was for me not to mention that. Every once in a while I would glance in my wife’s direction and smile. She knew what I was smiling about, but just let it go.

I guess that is what married life is all about. Sharing secrets between one another.

Every time I eat an apple fritter from now on, I am going to be smiling in remembrance of that “vegetable.” I am not that accustomed to victory and so I was taking advantage of it. However, I knew I had to be careful because sometimes things can backfire. I know this by experience.

I was enjoying my victory at the time, and then I remembered what the apostle Paul said about victory. “But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57).

God has for us victory that supersedes any victory we could have in this world. His victory is always through the Lord Jesus Christ.