Humor

“Here’s My Hammer If You Need It”

by James Snyder 
10/13/18
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I am not known as “Mr. Fix-It Man”. When it comes to mechanical things, I am really handy-challenged. I can do many things, but I cannot fix anything.

When talking about the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, it is a different story. If there is something she cannot fix then it isn’t broken. No matter what is broken or how long it has been broken, she somehow can fix it. I do not know how she does it, and believe me, I am not going to ask.

There is nothing I cannot break and there is nothing she cannot fix. We make a wonderful team as long as I keep that scenario in my mind.

If I, for whatever reason, think I can fix something, I am in deep trouble. The more I try to fix something, the more broken it becomes. I have learned long ago to own up to this in my life.

I think it is wonderful to know what you cannot do. That eliminates trying to do something and failing every time. It is more wonderful to know who can fix what you break.

“Honey,” I say in a very sympathetic tone, “I broke this. Would you be able to fix it for me?”

“Of course,” she will reply with a silly little grin on her face, “let me have it.”

And I do.

The only thing I could ever fix is something needing a hammer. I can hammer something, but I can’t screw or unscrew a bolt. Of course, I can screw anything up with a hammer.

A long time ago, I learned how to handle this. Whenever anything breaks in the parsonage I immediately say, “Should I get my hammer and try to fix it?” To which I get a resounding “Nooooooo”.

I then say, “Well, if you need me just call for me.” And I know I will never be called.

If I had the time, I would calculate how much money we have saved during our marriage by having her fix things that were broken. I think it would be an amazing amount of money.

A few weeks back the front plastic bumper on my truck broke and was hanging. I casually mentioned it to my wife not expecting anything. About 30 minutes later she came in and said, “I got your truck fixed.”

I am not sure how much that saved me on auto repair but I sure thanked her and then took her out for lunch. After all, what’s a husband supposed to do?

This all came to a head just a couple weeks ago. It is the beginning of a political cycle. We know it is a political cycle because all of the politicians are rather dizzy. My apologies to all the blondes out there.

We kept hearing the same phrase from every politician that was running. “Washington is broken and I’m going there to fix it.”

I was ignoring it because I know that every politician has their tongue detached from their brain. Can you imagine what would really happen if we had intelligent people running for office?

As we were listening to some of these advertisements, my wife turned to me and said, “There, you could help them fix Washington.”

I just looked at her and said, “Huh.” I did not get anything that she was saying with that.

“You’re always wanting to help fix things around here, why don’t you offer to help fix Washington?”

I did not know if I should laugh or if I should be angry.

I was afraid to say anything but eventually I said, “What in the world do you mean?”

She looked at me with those giggly dancing eyes and said, “You are always offering to fix something with your hammer. Why don’t you offer to give them your hammer so that they can fix Washington?”

Was she serious? Or, was she setting me up for something?

Staring at me she finally broke down into hilarious laughter.

“How better could they fix Washington than using your hammer?”

It does not happen often, but I wholeheartedly agreed with what she was saying.

If Washington is broken, and I am not sure what that means, perhaps they could fix it with my hammer by smashing everything in Washington. My hammer is a good tool for that kind of work. I cannot tell you how many things I have smashed unintentionally with my hammer.

We enjoyed a hearty laugh on that one. I never knew my wife to be politically minded like this. However, she had it. Then I said, “Why don’t you run for some political office? I’ll let you borrow my hammer.”

We laughed some more and I got to thinking. How would Washington change if my wife was elected to some office and borrowed my hammer? She surely would get things done, I am sure.

Her “fix-it” ability along with my hammer would go a long way in fixing Washington.

As I thought of that I was reminded of what King Solomon said, “The way of man is froward and strange: but as for the pure, his work is right” (Proverbs 21:8).

Some things are too broken to fix for any person except God. There is no person so broken that he cannot fix and fix for eternity.

So, Mr. Politician Fix-It, you can use my hammer at any time if you want to.