Humor

If It Wasn’t for Bad Luck

by James Snyder 
08/18/18
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I am not the kind of person that dabbles in luck. [Knock on wood.] When something looks like a good gamble to me, I run from it as fast as I can. If it looks too good to be true, believe me, it probably is not true.

Luck has never been a friend of mine. The only luck I have ever had in life is when I conned a young lady into saying, “I do.” That was 47 years ago and I have never had a luckier moment since. Each year I appreciate that lucky moment more.

Apart from that, I am not on the lucky side of the road.

It is not that I would not appreciate a lucky moment every now and again. It is just that I am not the lucky kind of a person that gets that kind of thing.

My father taught me that life is not built on luck, but rather on hard work. Then he would send me to the backyard to do the mowing. Looking back on that situation, I think he was pretty lucky that I did not know what he was talking about and went and mowed the grass for him.

I tried this on my son once and he came back and said, “Dad, the mower is broken I can’t get it started.” Lucky for him.

I do not know why people are so interested in luck. Whenever I go to a convenience store, there is a long line behind the lottery ticket counter buying their ticket for the week.

One time I stood back and watched people buy their lottery ticket and everyone’s impression was they believed it was their lucky day and this was their lucky number.

I stopped one person and asked, “Do you buy lottery tickets often?”

The man looked at me and said very enthusiastically, “Yes, I buy them every week.” Then he chuckled as he showed me his recent lottery ticket.

“How often,” I queried, “have you won?”

He looked at me and his smile evaporated and he mumbled, “Never.”

As I thought about that, I began to realize how lucky the lottery was that there were so many people that did not have any luck whatsoever except bad luck.

I begin to calculate how much it would cost a year to buy lottery tickets every week. It was rather an amazing amount and I began to think how much bad luck really cost people.

It is lucky for me that I do not play the lottery because all I would experience is bad luck.

A young friend of mine was telling me that he had no luck in the dating compartment of his life. “All I have,” he complained, “is bad luck when it comes to dating.”

Then he explained that he was going to try his luck at one of those online dating programs. I am totally unfamiliar with that kind of thing, but he said that it might be his lucky day if he just went in that direction. “Who knows,” he smiled, “I just might get lucky.”

Six months later, I saw him in the mall and ask him how his luck was with the online dating service.

He just looked at me and said, “So far all I’ve had is bad luck.”

I thought about this for a moment. Which is worse bad luck; the lottery or the online dating service?

Although I am not an expert along this line, I think the best bad luck would be in the lottery.

As I processed these things, it occurred to me that I have been a rather lucky dude, in my time.

I was thinking of all the money I saved from not playing the lottery. That brought a smile to my face. Not losing money is rather a lucky thing as far as I am concerned. I like to think of myself as rather fugal when it comes to money.

Another thing my father said, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” I think I know where he got that saying. However, when looking at it, it is very lucky to save a penny. Every time I go past the lottery window at the convenience store, I count my lucky stars that I am not having bad luck today.

Then I reminisced about the luckiest day of my life.

My friend had no luck at the online dating service. I, on the contrary, had all the luck in the world when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage said to me, “I do.” I do not know anybody luckier than me in this regard.

Now, I don’t want this to get back to her, I’m hoping you’ll keep my little secret, but every day of my life I am lucky to have her in my life.

I must confess that I do not believe she is as lucky as I am. After all, I do have a mirror in the bathroom. But I am lucky that she does not take me to task with that one.

Thinking about this I remembered what David said in one of his Psalms. “For thou hast made him most blessed for ever: thou hast made him exceeding glad with thy countenance” (Psalm 21:6).

Thinking about this a little more, I do not consider myself lucky. I consider myself to be blessed beyond words.