Humor

Vacation Time Again?

by James Snyder 
06/16/18
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I had just finished my project, sent it to my publisher, took a deep breath and said out loud, “I’m glad that’s done. Now I can rest for a while.”

I must have said it aloud for someone in the house heard it. I need to explain that with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, it does not matter if you say it aloud, mumble it under your breath or just think it, she hears it.

I do not know how she does it and she will not give me her secret.

“So,” my wife said rather suspiciously, “ready to go on our vacation?”

I stuttered a little bit and said, “A what?”

That “V” word rarely resides between my two ears. I just never think of it. I am not a vacation fan. Sure, when the kids were home it was nice to get away and have some fun with them. However, that has been a long time ago. I think someone my age is just too old to go on vacation. What would be the purpose?

I am a little afraid that if I go on vacation, I might forget that I am on vacation and never return home and no one would ever see me again. You know how the memory is for us old guys. So, to be on the safe side, I do not think of vacation time.

“You know exactly what I mean,” my wife said rather sternly with one of her sly smiles. “We should begin making plans for our vacation before you begin your next project.”

She caught me off guard there. Under other circumstances, I might have responded by telling her that it was too late, I’ve already started my next project. I remember trying that once and I may be the writer, but she’s the reader and she always reads between the lines.

Then she began laying out her well thought out plans for what our vacation would be like.

I interrupted her and said as soberly as possible, “That would be nice, but I do not have any money to sponsor a vacation right now.”

All she did was laugh, which rather irritated me. Then she explained, “Don’t give that a thought. I have been saving for this vacation since last year. I have it all worked out.”

Without my knowing it, she has been planning this vacation for quite a while. She even worked out the schedule with the daughters and grandchildren. She usually watches them while the daughters are at work. It took several months, but she worked out a schedule so that the week she had planned was cleared on everybody’s calendar.

She knew approximately when my project was due and started from there.

When it comes to developing my projects for my publisher, I can plan right down to the very day it is due. Outside of that, I am completely out of focus.

This is not true with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. She can plan everything to the last detail. Doesn’t matter if it is our vacation, some project at the church, or spending time with the grandchildren. She is the Planning Queen of all time.

It’s not that I do not like vacations, because once I’m there I do. What I do not like is the planning and the preparation. It becomes so meticulous that I get bored.

I have been like this all my life. The first day of first grade in school, I did not want to go. When the bus came to pick me up, I refused to get on and even had a little fit with the bus driver.

My mother, of course, was not too happy with the situation and took it out on me. She grabbed me, threw me in the car and drove me to school. I was kicking and screaming all the way to school. When we got to school, she threw me out and drove away. At least that’s how I remember it.

When it came time to go home I refused to leaved school. I really didn’t know how wonderful first grade would be.

I suppose that’s the way I am. I do not want to do anything new, but when I do, I do not want to not do it. My wife understands this because she’s had to deal with me all these years. So, when she says, “Are you ready for our vacation?” I know she has it all planned to the last detail. Very wisely, she does not reveal these plans to me until we are ready to go off on vacation.

Once I get to that vacation destination, I have a good time, and I have her to thank for that. If left up to me, it would never get done.

To answer the question, “Are you ready for our vacation?” let me just say, I must be because my wife is always thorough in all her planning.

Driving to our vacation destination, I could not help but think of something David said, “My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me” (Psalm 31:15).

I must confess that I often want to try to plan my life. I need to learn what David learned, God has already planned my life and all I need to do is to yield to his direction.