Part 8 of 'Let's Talk About Marriage' part of the 'In Marriage' series.
Before I began thinking of other couples and how I could help, I was looking into a very bleak future. I needed help. I had internalised the pain, silently screaming for help for a marriage which was in its infancy yet rapidly declining.
I had a husband who was a babe in Christ, not yet aware of what was required of him as a leader. I was a fatherless child with no close male family member to pour into him. He was overwhelmed with the responsibilities of marriage and parenting and nowhere to turn for guidance. The church was the only place I thought we would find answers. So I encouraged him to meet with our then church minister.
We didn’t have financial wealth on our side so private counselling was out of the picture. Neither did we have elders who could pour into us the wisdom of the years. My thought at the time was, “If I can’t get advice from one who is in a position to give biblical guidance, then our marriage is doomed.” That was the thought from my spiritually immature mind.
It took me several years to deal with the internal turmoil before the grieving could run its course fully. The process of healing then began and it was during that process I started thinking of all the other couples who were either in the same position as us or in a much worse position.
It would be few more years before I began to develop a passion for edifying the saints. There was a strong focus on marital/couple relationship and parenting. I don’t have the answers for all the issues we are confronted with but I have found the principles in God’s Word to be effective in all areas of relationship. It teaches us how to develop and maintain a healthy relationship with our Creator and with His created beings.
We are still struggling in areas of our marriage and still seeking guidance. Therefore, we spend more time in the Word and we are constantly being transformed by the Word. It works! And that is what I will try to share in the articles I intend on sharing with you on marriage from this point forward.
The Journey continues
The second pastor we saw for that kind of counsel was more encouraging but we had to wait for months before we could meet with him. He was simply too busy with other activities and that was the earliest opportunity. Fortunately, we are the kind of people who look ahead and seek help in advance of a potential crisis. We were grateful but realised that in that time of waiting a house on fire would have burned to the ground before we were able to see our pastor.
If a leader doesn’t believe God is calling them to teach on that topic then it would be wise of them to provide resources for the couples in their fellowship; work alongside organisations that promote healthy relationships such as Care for the Family in the UK and Focus on the Family in the USA. Partnering with such organisations can give access to online and offline training courses or helpful resources that can make a difference in the life of a marriage or a parent-child relationship.
This is an area my husband and I are very passionate about. Having faced many struggles within our marriage, we understand the pain married couples often endure. Many of those issues often stem from childhood deficiencies. Depending on what was lacking in the childhood years, the relationship can suffer in various ways from communication skills and budgeting to insecurities and confidence issues. Such issues can and often affects the way they relate to their own children and their children’s children.
From this point it gets complicated as we can turn our frustration towards each other and that damages the relationship. Domestic violence can sometimes spring out of that frustration when we don’t recognise the true root of the problem.
The journey continues in part 9 ~ Symptoms versus Root Problems