Humor

Behold, the Christmas Grinch Cometh

by James Snyder 
12/16/17
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I never have to look at the calendar to know when the Christmas holiday season is approaching. As soon as I lay down my fork on Thanksgiving Day, the battle drums begin to roll. Somebody, who apparently does not have much of a life, takes a pot shot at the Christmas holiday. You would think, from some of their comments, the Christmas holiday was the greatest conspiracy in all of human history.

According to these protesters, the very word "Christmas," offends them to no degree. They forbid people to say cheerfully, "Merry Christmas," as if those words in and of themselves would create the ultimate damage to the person hearing them.

To placate these values-challenged patrons, some businesses have chosen not to put the word "Christmas," anywhere near their business, replacing that offensive word with the words, "Happy Holiday." Even employees are prohibited wishing customers a Merry Christmas, but rather a "Happy Holiday." This, according to the all-wise Christmas Grinch, is more acceptable than simply saying, "Merry Christmas."

Of course, anybody who is as smart as a fifth-grader knows that the word “holiday,” according to Webster's dictionary, means, "A religious feast day; a holy day." So instead of saying "Merry Christmas," they want us to say, "Have a happy holy feast day," which seems more religious to me.

I am thinking of starting a grassroots movement of people who are offended by people who are offended by the word "Christmas." The only problem with this, I would have a hard time finding people as nasty, venomous and as gray-matter-challenged as those offended by the word "Christmas." People who believe in Christmas and the Christmas spirit are rather good, loving and generous people.

Part of our agenda would go something like this. People offended by the word "Christmas" and by celebrating the Christmas season should not be allowed to take Christmas day off with pay. I do not hear any of these people complaining that they have Christmas day off with pay. If they really were offended by the Christmas season they would refuse taking any time off and getting paid for it.

Along with this, all those objecting to Christmas would not be eligible for any kind of Christmas gift or Christmas bonus. All of these "offensive goodies," would go to those who love and appreciate the Christmas season.

All government offices would be opened on Christmas day and staffed by all those people who find the Christmas season so very offensive. Why isn't the post office open on Christmas day? Moreover, why don't I get my Christmas Cards delivered to me on Christmas day?

To further our agenda, all those offended by Christmas should not be permitted to shop at Christmas time to purchase "Christmas gifts." Nor should they accept any Christmas gifts. If they are honestly offended by the Christmas season this should be anathema to them.

Any business person with a store should not have a Christmas sale. If they are really offended by Christmas, why do they insist on benefiting from those who delight in Christmas?

While I am on the subject, why are all of these people who want to take God out of government, our school system and businesses still greedily accepting American dollars that have clearly printed on it, "In God we trust." If they were really true to their beliefs, they would never touch another American dollar in their life.

This would be another part of our grassroots agenda. Those desiring to take God out of all of these things, if they are honest people, should surrender all their money to people who believe in God. After all, if you do not believe in God, why accept money that boasts in believing in God?

Throughout the rest of the year, prayer in school offends these Grinches. This has always "wondered me." They do not believe in Christmas or God and yet when either is mentioned they go into a convulsive seizure as though their very life is being threatened.

If I did not believe in something as radical as these people say they do not believe in God or Christmas, it would not threaten me. I might smile at people who believed in it, but it sure would not bother me and I would not be upset to the point where I would forbid others celebrating it. After all, I do not believe in Halloween, but I have not started a movement to ban it from our country. I think it rather silly for people to get all dressed up in scary costumes, pretending to be something they are not and begging for candy. As of today, I have not started a movement to ban them from running for political office.

I allow those who do not believe in Christmas or in God to celebrate their holidays: Halloween and April 1. Just let me celebrate my holidays.

I celebrate Christmas because of what the Bible says. "But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law, To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father" (Galatians 4:4-6).

Christmas means that God provided redemption for all humanity. Jesus is the real reason for the season.