Healing

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THE CAT
AND THE TIN ON ITS TAIL

A cat wakes up one morning to find a tin attached to its tail, terrified the cat tries to shake it off, leaping in the air twisting and turning, spinning round and around but still the tin remains. Fear and panic takes over, it tries to run away from the tin only to find it follows closely. The cat runs left and right, up hill and down dale yet still, no matter how hard it tries, the tin refuses to detach itself from its tail. Biting the tin only causes the cat pain and suffering. With glazed eyes, flanks heaving and panting heavily from all the exertion the cat collapses. When laying still it could almost believe the tin was no longer there, but the slightest movement made the cat very much aware of its presence.

The cat after all this rushing around is now totally exhausted and greatly stressed, finally begins to realise it can’t remove the tin by its own means and goes to family and friends to seek help. They are bewildered and shocked by what has happened, and distressed that their much loved friend is in such a state, questions fly back and forth as to where it had come from, how it got there and why. The cat was at a loss to find the answers, the where’s and why fore’s were not the cat’s main concern by now, only that it was there and wanting it removed immediately. The tin was studied, scrutinised, poked and pulled which only managed to cause more pain to the cat, but it was held fast, not budging an inch. Discussions and debates followed as to how the tin could be removed, but no one could come up with a successful solution. All were upset and deeply concerned at their friend’s dilemma and their inability to help.

The cat despaired of ever being separated from the horrible tin, which had now become a heavy weight and painfully sore. No longer could the cat freely roam unnoticed, or go about its regular business of slinking through the undergrowth, the tin snagged on bushes and brambles, alerting all to its presence. Squeezing through narrow gaps in fences and hedgerows was out of the question now. The tin caused a loss of balance when trying to climb trees, leap onto walls, and hunt for food. Unable now to enjoy life as a happy, healthy, active and independent animal, the tin was now preventing all of these activities that the cat had previously taken for granted. People stopped and stared, children laughed when they saw the cat with a tin on its tail, humiliated and embarrassed the cat slunk away to hide in dark corners out of sight, deeply distraught.

It was now in unknown territory, forced to accept help from others for its day to day needs. Not being able to participate in any cat games, having to watch from the sidelines, all because of the burdening tin. It soon became apparent to those who were trying to help that the tin was not a temporary problem to their friend, but was more likely a permanent fixture. They would have to continue helping for a lot longer than was first envisaged, forcing a change in their lifestyles albeit on a much smaller scale, but a change all the same.
A deep resentment and anger began to set in, the mental and physical pain caused by the tin began to affect the cat’s sanity; it became miserable and lonely by withdrawing from friends due to the embarrassment, and shame of this awful tin. Not able to bear seeing friends so free and unfettered while the total opposite was possibly the cat’s future, and not knowing why or how long it would stay attached. It goes to even more people desperate for help, specialists are consulted but even they are unsuccessful in removing the offending item. Medication is prescribed to help ease the pain and stress, the cat still cannot accept that the tin is now part of its body and can’t be removed. This lack of acceptance causes the cat to sink into a depression, requiring even more medication to try and offset this worrying condition, a downward spiral made up of self-pity, fear for the future and the inability to cope with the sudden life style change. “Why Me?” the cat wailed on many occasions “what have I done to deserve this?” but no one knew the answer.

The cat’s family and friends were very concerned by this inability to cope with the situation, and deeply worried how it was affecting their friend both emotionally and physically and their relationship which was becoming strained under the constant pressure of not being able to help. When every possible attempt at removing the tin has been tried, and with no success Counsellors were brought in to help the cat come to terms with its attachment. To teach and encourage the cat to accept the tin as an extension to its tail and learn to live with it, adapting its lifestyle accordingly. To make calculated choices, to make its life easier, to walk down a path instead of struggling through undergrowth, to find an open gate rather than attempt a narrow gap, learn to work with it rather than fight against it, which would only increase the pain and anguish to its mind, body and soul.

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE CAT’S TAIL?

I have great empathy with the cat’s predicament; I too discovered I had a similar burden suddenly and very firmly attached to me. The tin in my case was the death of my husband, not a visible attachment in the true sense of the word more a psychological one, discovering to my horror there was no hope the effects of this burden being physically or mentally removed. I behaved in much the same way as the cat, running to lots of different people panicking. Seeking help and wanting answers to a myriad of questions like “Why me, and what have I done to deserve this, how can I live with it?” desperate for the burden to be taken away.

Gradually over the passage of time, and with a great deal of help and support from my family and friends, along with a large number of members from the medical profession, to whom I will always be indebted to, I have managed to come to terms with my attachment and learning to adapt my life accordingly.

Discovering the presence of God in my life has made the greatest difference of all. The inner strength I have gained knows no bounds. This life changing experience exactly two years to the day my husband died has made me a much stronger person, set me on different and unknown paths; giving me the courage to meet new people, embrace new challenges, and enriching my life in the process.

The more I listen to God and trust in his guiding hand, the more I view the dark clouds which appear on my horizon from time to time in the shape of trouble and strife which have previously overwhelmed me as opportunities now to look beyond them for the silver lining which God always provides.

Attachments picked up during our lives can seem to be a burden at first, but can turn out to be blessings in disguise, how we view them and the choices we make in dealing with them determines whether we grow and learn from the experience or wither and die.

We never know when disaster will strike us, whether by an accident, illness, or loss of a family member or our livelihood, taking away our ability to support ourselves or family. Which could render us incapable of living free and independent lives, which up to that point had been taken for granted. We don’t appreciate what we have till we no longer have it. We often fail to appreciate our sight, hearing, speech, mobility, control over our bodily functions and our mental stability. How would we cope with the sudden loss of one or more of these vital tools for everyday living? The loss or damage to just one of these tools can cause us to become reliant on other people, and cost us our freedom of choice and our ability to determine how and where we live our lives. To people who have always had control of their lives; this can be extremely difficult to accept.

If an accident befalls us such as a broken limb or an illness that renders us immobile for a while, we know that our incapacity will be just for a few days or weeks. It’s an inconvenience, a nuisance having to take time off work, disrupting our busy lives and not being able to manage the home and care for any children. Needing to ask for help from family and friends or neighbours to fetch and carry, cook and clean can be a daunting experience. We and they try to make the best of it because we know it will be only a short-lived dependence on others, putting our lives on hold till we are active again and can resume our normal lifestyle.

But what if the accident or illness is severe and leaves us permanently damaged, how would we cope? Forced to face the prospect of becoming totally dependent on others, unable to work and care for our family, and having to rely on handouts to live, resulting in a loss of self-respect and social status. Its one thing to anticipate a full recovery from some minor mishap or illness, but it’s another having to contemplate spending the rest of our lives in a wheelchair or worse bed-bound and needing constant care. A burden to carry for life, not only to ourselves but also to those closest to us who may have their lives permanently changed by having to care for us, and not just for a few weeks but a lifetime.

At any moment we could find ourselves in a life changing situation, and not always for the better, our own tin on our tail. It’s very important to make the most of each day and not put off till tomorrow what could be done today. To value our freedom and take care of our health, be compassionate and caring to others as one day you may be in need of their compassion and care.

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