Christian Living

Mutuality Not Oppression

by Honey Stone
06/03/17
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The words “honor” and “protocol” have been trigger words for me because when I was at a spiritually abusive church those words were pounded into us. But lately, those words have been interpreted differently.

Honor is not just a one-way arrangement where I am to honor the leader and that leader may not honor me back. As if it is up to their whim, or what they call discernment. But honor is actually a two-way street. It is moving toward a win-win which is possible with God. It is not blind obedience to another’s opinion or belief.

Protocol is not about following whatever the leader or cultures says with no questions asked…ever. It is about everyone doing the loving thing or the honoring thing for all within a certain structure that has some flexibility. Yet, those words - love and honor - can seem vague or abstract. In our culture sometimes when people use the word love they actually mean lust or it can feel like lust. I think the word that is more appropriate is kindness.  Some people think kindness is displayed but a hug but really I don’t need a hug when I more desperately need food or money or other kinds or physical help. Actually the kind thing to do would be to provide for that need and it may include a hug or having a friendly exchange.

People who are considered a minority tend to fixate on the word honor. This can mean anything from equality to respect to treating someone in a special way. Martin Luther King Jr., Ghandi, and Sojourner Truth displayed a certain kind of honor which is more about mutuality. The term mutuality is from the Befrienders ministry which teaches about true and deep listening. It is about trying to understand others. In our case, as Christians, it goes along with a Christ-like open mind. This can sometimes be painful or boring. It is about deeply listening to someone with the intention of understanding them instead of defending your position at all costs.

Many times the dialogue shuts down because people just want things to go their own way. This would be called selfishness. Sometimes this comes as a result of oppression. Malcolm X sought superiority and the same goes with Black Lives Matter. It is more like wanting to turn the tables around. But that is still oppression. It is not true freedom for all.