Kids & Parenting

Break The Silence—It Kills

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
08/11/16
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Break The Silence—It Kills

Part 4 of Reaching Out From The Heart Of A Mother

Sometimes our silence is more deadly than we realise. Very often our silence gives power to the injustices around us because our loved ones wait for us to be that voice of reason. However, instead of being that voice of reason, we carry on with ‘business as usual’. For this reason, I pray this article will help you to use your gifts to make a difference wherever God has planted you. My story, as a neglected child, cannot fully be told without mentioning my parents which will find me constantly being in conflict with siblings and other relatives for one reason or another. Therefore, I share the basics in order not to dishonour mother, father, sibling or the people connected to them; being sensitive to the feelings of all connected to me. It is my story to share as I see fit but it is also theirs to keep secret if they so desire.

Nevertheless, their story is tied to my story and mine to theirs so there is always a struggle knowing what to say and not to say as well as how to say it. Sharing the truth in a way that it may help another mother, father or child in a similar situation to ours, will always bring some amount of conflict if we aren’t yet at the same level of understanding.

A woman without the proper training can be a man’s worse downfall. Many mothers and their daughters who have not experienced effective leadership in their homes sometimes dishonours husbands and fathers in their speech and actions and it breaks my heart. That is one silence that needs to be broken in this parental struggle. An aunt or uncle can make a difference in the life of that child by encouraging their sister to be the leader their child needs. A friend or colleague can also make a difference by not encouraging their friends to speak negatively of their husbands or children’s fathers. If we encourage it they will continue to defame those men. If we gossip about those women or their situation we add to the brokenness.

Every damaged relationship can break with an innocent, reckless conversation or thought. If we are aware that there is trouble at home, we should seek out ways to help the members of that family. We should not pretend it doesn’t exist and then watch those individuals’ lives being destroyed. Break the silence. Your silence will contribute to the breakdown of that family. Speak out against injustice.

Mothers Can Make A Difference

When a woman truly embraces her role as a wife and become her husband’s help-meet, our homes become a much happier place to be and husbands are encouraged in their leadership roles. They thrive as husbands and fathers which results in them being more effective in their God-given leadership roles.  Unfortunately, many of our homes are fatherless and our sons are without effective leadership. Mothers can make a difference in such cases but often they become bitter when fathers relinquish their leadership responsibility (whether as a husband, a father or both) and they in turn drop their caring role while the children suffer the consequence. That represents neglect which is an injustice. Unfortunately, many mothers in this case will not accept that they have neglected their children and hence, deny having anything to do with the negative outcome.

From that thought I began to look at the various reasons for such neglect which includes: depression from losing that emotional bond or physical bond with her husband/ child’s father; loneliness from not having a companion to losing friendship with half of the family when that relationship went wrong or the friendships developed through that relationship; exhaustion from having to carry the weight of parenting the children on her own to simply giving up. It exhausted me just to think of the many reasoning behind such neglect and I cannot help feeling burdened for those mothers. Hence my request in part two (2) to pray for mothers who find themselves in this position.

However, just like there is never an excuse for a father to neglect his role as a father, a mother is never excused from her responsibility as a mother. Therefore, I began writing to encourage the mothers of those men I was encouraging to be strong in their leadership. Before they become men they have to be trained. Mothers have such a great influence in the life of a child but that influence is not always directed in a positive way, especially when it comes to that child’s father and how much he is allowed to lead. That negative influence impacts the life of that child in ways she cannot understand until that child enters teen years or adulthood.

There are many fatherless homes and therefore many sons grow up without the understanding of what great leadership looks like. A mother cannot replace a father nor exercise the father’s role in the life of that child. The child will still have a void to deal with. Therefore, the mother must be understanding and allow the child to share their feelings and display the relevant emotions. They must be able to freely express those emotions. If they are trying to work out what and how they are feeling while being chastised for feeling the way they do, they won’t trust you with their heart. If they don’t learn how to express their emotions in a healthy way and in a healthy environment, they will express it in destructive ways. Some will internalise their pain until they become adults and that will affect all their relationships (including the one they have with their mother). Those emotions will evolve like a volcano in their marriage and often divorce or long-term separation is the result.

If you have read to this point, you have the potential to influence the lives of others by the way you respond to your children from this day forward. Time is valuable in training up your children and it is equally important when they are training up their children and contributing to the training of their grandchildren. Your testimony can save them from making certain mistakes in their marriage. That will affect the relationship between you and them in the future or at the least between you and your grandchildren or great-grandchildren. You have the power and authority to empower your children today, to be the leaders God has called them to be in their families and be a positive influence in the generations to follow (long after you have departed this life).

May God bless and keep you and may you be empowered today to do what God has called you to do in serving Him and the children He blessed you with. He placed them in your care and gave you the authority of parenting and instructions how to train them up. You have all that you need to be your child or children’s mother.

Copyright © 2016, Janice Ramkissoon