Christian Living

COULD HAVE, SHOULD HAVE, BUT DIDN'T

by Morris Inch
04/20/16
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COULD HAVE, SHOULD HAVE, BUT DIDN’T

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They called him Old Red. His hair, which had once been reddish, was now turned to gray. I was serving in a larger parish at the time, before matriculating to college. So it was that I decided to visit this relatively reclusive person.

He soon observed that he knew the Scripture better than I, having been familiar with it from his childhood. Whereas I was uncertain whether we had a Bible in the home in which I was raised. Although by this time, I read from it on a regular basis.

Even so, he had not made a profession of faith in Christ. Nor was it his intent to do so at this late juncture in his life. "It is not that God would refuse to accept me," he allowed, "but I am no longer inclined to do so." This would suggest that there was a time when he felt more disposed but failed to do so. In brief, could have, should have, but didn’t.

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night" (Psa. 1:1-2). The terms walk, stand, and sit are progressive, reminding us that we tend to become fixed in our ways. Or in proverbial terms, "If you allow a camel to push his nose into your tent, he will soon crowd you out."

Then there was a woman who sought my approval for getting a divorce from her husband. When I was reluctant to do so, she cited the fact that he had thrown a knife at her. Obviously, this was cause for separation and perhaps divorce.

Consequently, I asked her if she would mind if I talked with her husband. She expressed her approval, and so I met with him. "Your wife says that you do not love her," I allowed.

He seemed astonished. "How can she say that?" he inquired. "I work diligently, and instead of spending my money at a bar, bring it home with me." It seemed to him that this was sufficient evidence. At which, I mentioned the claim that he had thrown a knife at her. He thought for a moment, and then gave a conflicting report. "I came home, tired from work, and anticipating something to eat. Instead, she began to argue with me, as is often the case. Frustrated, I swept my eating utensils (including knife) onto the floor and left the room." It turned out to be the same event, interpreted differently.

Whereupon, he returned to the claim that he did not love her. "What more can I do to convince her?" he inquired. He seemed to be at a loss as to how further to evidence his love.

I touched briefly on two features. Initially, by expressing his love and appreciation from time to time. While asking forgiveness if he had done something to offend her. Then by considerate acts of affection. Such as presenting her with flowers. As for the latter, he asked when would be an appropriate time, as if quite lacking of creativity.

How did this work out? Hopefully for the better, but I had no further contact with the couple. If failing to take advantage of the misunderstanding, then another example of could have, should have, but didn’t.

Examples continue to proliferate. I remember this person as being exceptionally intelligent. As a youth, he read extensively. He served admirably in the military during World War II and the Korean conflict. He took care of his mother during her declining years.

He was well aware of the risk involved in smoking, but persisted. According to the medical report, his death was caused by this addiction. Yet another case of could have (refrained), should have, but didn’t.

Could have recalls Mother Teresa’s humorous remark, "I have no doubt but that God will enable me to do what he would have me do, but I wish he were not so optimistic." We are encouraged to undertake worthwhile tasks via God’s enabling grace.

Should have serves as a reminder that we are morally obligated to do what is right. While sin may be in the form of commission or omission. The latter frequently being more subtle and grievous.

While didn’t reflects our failure to take a calculated and decisive action. While in keeping with the saying, "He who hesitates is lost." Conversely, having taken what seems to be an appropriate action, we can adjust as it seems advisable. This giving rise to the preferable alternative: could have, should have, and did!