Humor

The New Year Calls for a New Mirror

by James Snyder 
01/08/16
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The New Year festivities have died down quite a bit and everything seems calm in our blissful domicile. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is back to her routine of organizing and straightening everything up. Her motto is: “A place for everything and everything in its place.” 

She is quite faithful in her New Year’s resolutions. For years, she has tried to get me involved in New Year’s resolutions and I only halfheartedly get involved. It does not seem to work for me though.

I did get a glimpse of her New Year’s resolution and one was to straighten me up. Ha! Good luck with that one, sister. If she has not got me straightened up by now I am not sure it is on the books.

Everything seemed to be going fine until this morning when I got up, went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. What I saw was most frightening. I was on the verge of calling 911 when I happened to realize who was in that mirror.

I cannot tell you how disturbed I was to discover that I was looking at me and me was looking back. Oh, what a sorrowful sight it was.

For the last several months, everybody has been telling me the New Year is upon us and everything is going to be much better than last year. The old is gone, the new is here.

Being the skeptic that I am, I did not buy into it lock, stock and barrel but I did come very close to accepting the “New” associated with the New Year. After all, it does make sense. There should be a time and place where you can start all over and take on a new appreciation of life. I almost bought into it. Almost, but not quite.

Then, this morning I went into the bathroom as usual and looked into the mirror.

What I saw in that mirror was the old face from last year. In fact, do not let this get out, but it did look a twinge older than last year. Just a twinge, mind you. That is when it really hit me. It is not fair. According to what I have been told, the new always casts out the old. The old is behind me and all I had to look forward to is the new.

But the mirror? The mirror told me an altogether different story.

So I began to think about this. The reason my old face is in my mirror may be because my mirror is an old mirror from last year. As I begin ruminating through this very complex situation, I think I came up with a solution.

That’s one thing about me. I like to find solutions. I do not always find them, but when I do find a solution, I celebrate. I was on the brink of celebrating when this thought stomped through my mind.

Because it is a New Year, I need to have a new face. I cannot afford a facelift because I have too many chins. I would not know what chin to eliminate. Never been to a plastic surgeon before, so I do not know if they charge per chin or what.

I disregarded the facelift idea and thought about wearing a mask all year. The Lone Ranger got away with it, maybe I could as well.

The more I thought about that, the less enticing it was. It would drive me crazy to have someone next to me always saying "Kemosabe" all day. I don’t even know what that means.

Getting back to my solution. I think the New Year calls for a new mirror. I need a new mirror in my bathroom so I can see what my New Year’s face looks like.

“A what?” laughed my wife when I ask her where I could purchase such a mirror. I figured if anybody knew where to get such a mirror, it would be her. I just was not prepared for all the hilarity coming from her direction.

“Does this have anything to do with some kind of a New Year’s resolution on your part?” She asked. She barely got that out before she broke down into more laughter.

Personally, I did not see what was so funny about all of this.

“If you don’t like what you see in your mirror,” she said, trying to keep from laughing, “a new mirror will not make any difference at all.”

That is what I get for asking her a silly question.

My thought is simply this, it doesn’t hurt to try.

Her thought is simply this, it’s just too funny.

I have been backed into a corner now. I cannot get a new mirror because my wife will know what I am doing and laugh herself into hysterics. I thought about breaking the mirror, but she would figure out what I was doing and it would only make her laugh all the more.

I was reminded of what the Bible says, “For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was” (James 1:23-24).

It is not outward appearances that are that important, but rather that I do those things that are pleasing unto the Lord.