Politics

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Everybody Limbo!-dj eckert

(emcee: read like a gameshow)

Welcome, welcome! to the greatest American party of the Century!
I am your formidable host for today's proceedings !
My name, as you may know, is Mr. Mainstream media man.

We have set up for you
today ... a Limbo party... extravaganza!(Oprah giveaway like cheering)

As I'm sure you all know, the object of a limbo party is to lower yourself farther and farther underneath an ever lowering bar by bending over backwards. If you end up breaking your back, well...
that just adds to the fun!

We have set up 4 limbo bars of varying difficulty levels, for your enjoyment today. One bar in each corner of the room.

We'll now go around and introduce the different limbo bars, along with the lovely honored holders of each bar, and a few rules for each exciting limbo bar!

In corner number 1, we have a warmup bar set up for you. We'll call this "the political bar". It is the easiest bar of the bunch because ...it never moves.
This bar is being held rock steady on the right side by Mr. Republican. Give him a wave... allright, now of course the holder on the left, holding the bar equally as staunchly, is Mr. Democrat! Let's all give a hoot of good cheer for these honored bar holders! clap! Clap! Chirp! Chirp!(crickets)
Now, the rules for this bar are simple: Anyone trying to leap, or step over the bar (by bringing in a third party) WILL BE ...ignored and maligned... simple enough rules.

Now gaze your eyes over to corner number two!
This bar is known as "the economic bar". It is held up on the right side by the illustrious Mr. Federal Reserve. And on the left side of the bar, of course, by the scary, menacing but yet beloved, Mr. I.R.S...clap! clap!clap! (hesitant applause)
Now, the rules for this bar are also pretty plain: if you attempt to jump, or step over the bar (by earning an honest living or building wealth) YOU...WILL.... BE... robbed! (Under breath... unless of course, if you're a personal friend of one of the bar holders, you may be given a pass... wink,wink)
Yaaaaaay!

Now! Over, in corner number three... a much more challenging limbo bar!!
Not all, may I dare say, try their hands (or is it back?) at this ba, but this bar is known as "the creativity bar."
Of course, we all know the holder on the one side. Everybody say Hello to Mr. T.V, Hey, Hey Mr. T.V. we ALL love YOU. (standing ovation)
Now the holder on the other side, many of you may know , of course...... Standing in,now for Mr. Fluoride..... it's.... Mr. Zoloft from the incredible MSRI family! If you aren't familiar with Mr. Zoloft (you really should get to know him) , I'm sure you may be familiar with some of his relatives, too many to mention here.
..... Now the rules for this bar are a little bit more involved: if anyone tries to jump or step over this bar, THEY... WILL... BE....accused of being uppity, a show off, a troublemaker, a revolutionary, or God forbid a free thinker. Good luck to anyone trying out this bar! Clap! Clap!

I want to point out that we HAD intended to have also a "health bar" and a "knowledge bar" for your limboing pleasure at today's extravaganza. But, unfortunately, we have been having serious issues with the performance of these bar holders, and their ability in lowering their respective bars. Nevertheless, We want nothing but the best for you all here today! Clap! Clap! Clap!( great applause), so those limbo bars are unable to be with us today. (Boo!, hisss!)

And finally....... it wouldn't be a real Limbo party without forcing EVERYONE into trying this fourth, most challenging limbo bar. This bar of course is ...."the moral bar!".
Now ..... holding the one side of the bar. ... give it up for our honorary guest bar holder... one, who needs no introduction....., one whose products you may be intimately acquainted with .... give it up everone for.... Satan!!!
Clap ! Clap! Clap!Clappity! Clap!

Now before I introduce our final , mystery bar holder, the one holding the other end of the moral bar.... I'll just say right now this mystery bar holder is one of Satan's most productive false religion underlings....but first, I must point out a few new rule changes... that may, or may not be changes from the past....ahemmmm! Satan sure does try to keep the party interesting doesnt he? well... here we go now..... anyone who steps or jumps over this bar WILL ...BE....(depending on the mystery bar holder), either ostracized, ridiculed or threatened ,(like usual) OR.... they may be killed and/or decapitated ,imprisoned or just plain terrorized !!! Whewwwweeeey!!!, the stakes just got a little bigger now didn't they?(the host nervously adjusts his bowtie)

Now I will introduce the potential mystery bar holders, of Whom we will only discover as the limbo party proceeds.
Will it be?... Mr. Statism? (where I'm guessing the rules will be like those of old),
or ...will it be Miss environmentalism?....or maybe... the return of Mr. Paganism?, OR, it could be ... MR. ISLAM ! (Gulp )
Well.... Lets find out!.....
ARE YOU READY TO PARTY?

A R E Y O U R E A D Y

TO L I M B O OOOOOOO?

HOW LOW ...CAN YOU GO?

EVERYBODY .......LIM-BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

( everybody Chanting ):
How low, can we go? How low ,can we go? How low, can we go? How low ,can we go? How low ,can we go? How low ,can we go? How low ,can we go?......

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