History

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I'm in quite a predicament right now. My long, five-pound hair is stuck in this terebinth tree, and my stupid mule has run out from under me and left me hanging here between heaven and earth. I've tried to call my mule to come back so I can hold onto him as I climb down from this tree and get back on his back, but he just won't listen come. I guess that's where the expression "stubborn as a mule" comes from. To make matters worse, I hear the footsteps of my dad's army commander, Joab, and his soldiers. Clearly they want to kill me, even though my father, King David (yep, the guy famous for killing the giant Goliath and writing all those psalms), has told them not to. My dad's always been merciful toward his enemies. When his predecessor, King Saul, tried to kill him because of jealousy, my father spared his life. Personally, I would have killed the jerk. Sometimes I think Dad is a little too nice, which is part of the reason we became estranged.

Let me explain the situation. You see, years ago my father had a tryst with Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, one of his most loyal soldiers. Uriah was away in battle, and my father was on the roof of the palace and saw Bathsheba taking a bath to clean herself off after her monthly cycle ended. My dad figured that what Uriah didn't know wouldn't hurt him, so he sent for her and they slept together. My dad then sent her home, thinking Uriah would never find out, but, oops--the lady got pregnant. My dad knew Uriah would (literally) kill him if he found out, so, when he couldn't get Uriah to come home and sleep with Bathsheba and thus not ever find out the kid belonged to another father, he had Uriah killed in battle out of desperation. After Bathsheba had finished crying over Uriah, my father brought her to the palace and married her himself. My dad's friend and one of God's most faithful prophets, Nathan, one day came and confronted Dad about what he did and told him there would be major problems in Dad's own household as a result of what he did. My rebellion was only one of the major problems, but it was probably the most major problem Dad ever faced in his life.

Listen as I tell you my story...

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