Humor

It’s Hard Being a Fool When There’s So Much Competition

by James Snyder 
09/05/15
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Ever since I was a young lad, I have had a competitive spirit. Quite frankly, I like to win at everything I do. After all, who doesn’t. 

Being married has accelerated that competitive spirit, sometimes to my personal detriment. Overall, it has been a rather good run and the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and I just celebrated another wedding anniversary. I know who won in this competition, but don’t let her know. I am a gracious winner.

I certainly was not a fool to get married; it turned out to be a rather major win for me. What was on the other side of the matrimonial aisle, I am not quite sure. I have a “don’t ask and she won’t tell” philosophy here.

The fact that we have made it this long is a tribute to my wisdom in selecting the proper wife. Do not let this get out, but I will take credit wherever I can find credit. Just look at my bank account and you will know I need some credit. It has been a marvelous journey to say the least, not, however, without its difficulties.

Every time I get into some kind of “difficulty,” my wife will look at me and say rather stiffly, “Are you acting like a fool?”

After being married for so long, you would think she would get the idea that I am not acting at all. I wish I could act like a fool, to be able to turn it on and off at will. I must say that being a fool comes rather naturally to me, no acting needed whatsoever. I wonder what it would be like to act like a fool and where would a person get the training for that kind of acting? Perhaps some political university.

For years, I have met so many people who have a PhD in the thespian arts of being a fool. I am not sure where they get their degree or how long it takes to get that kind of a degree. But let it be clear, I do not have any degree in the art of being a fool.

Not being a “Professional Fool” I am not in competition with anybody else.

But that does not keep the good wife from saying to me on occasion, “Would you quit fooling around?”

I am not exactly sure what I am supposed to do at that point, I do not want to ask her what she means because I know she would tell me. Do I really want to know? There is something to be said for being in the dark about some things. This is definitely one of them.

Of course, if I knew what she meant by “fooling around,” I could make some adjustments in my personal behavior. As it stands, I am only guessing.

I get into trouble because many times when I am caught red-handed, as they say, I justify what I am doing (big mistake) by telling her, “I was just fooling.”

To which she usually responds, “I know that and I wish you would quit fooling around.”

Then she says something that is rather confusing to me. “You can’t fool me.”

I have often wondered what she means by that. This is where the competitive spirit kicks into high gear. I ponder very enthusiastically the thought, what would it take to fool her? If I can only figure that out, life would take on a brand-new exuberance.

It is easy to fool other people, particularly those that do not know you that well. I might as well say it is also easy to be fooled by other people. That does not matter to me one bit. But if I could pull off a major “fool you” on my wife it would make my day.

I am not sure that it would take much. As I look around, I realize it is hard being a fool was so much competition.

If I could find the perfect fool, perhaps I could get some pointers on how to be a better fool. Maybe I could learn some special techniques associated with the craft of acting a fool.

I know my wife is an expert in identifying fools and foolish things for that matter. Every once in a while, I try to find out what her secret is, but, being the fool I am, I never seem to be good enough to fool her.

Just when I think I have accomplished a trophy level of being a fool, my wife steps in and says, “You’re not fooling me in the least.” Then she flashes one of her smiles and goes back to the arduous task of being my wife, which she has done so brilliantly.

I suppose I am a low-level fool in just about every level of my life. There is one level, however, where I am not a fool. I confess to making foolish statements, doing foolish things and just plain acting a fool. But I have discovered an area where I am no longer a fool.

I think David had it right when he said, “The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good” (Psalms 53:1).

Some people deny God until they need help. Then, they call out to God. The wise man does not deny God, but pulls Him into his daily living experience.