Short Stories

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I feel like I am drowning yet I have not yet run out of breath. I am home now. I feel the tension in my chest again. A heart thumping wildly; almost tearing my chest apart. I feel the sickness from deep within my stomach. I am running out of breath. I enter my room. I cannot control myself nor do much. I attempt to clutch the wall with my hand. I submit to gravity. I fall down and burry my face on the floor.

Earlier when I entered church, there was a certain emptiness. It was as if I had never been there. I could not figure anything out. This happens in every place I go. It is in every single location where my steps take me to.

There is a wave of sadness that follows me around like a pile of dark clouds causing it to rain on me. My world is cold and damp. Full of freezing effects that my body cannot feel any longer because of repeated spells of numbness. Even so, I still walk stumbling every now and then. Slow and quiet. It is a struggle I'm not used to. I wonder whether anyone notices because no one really makes contact with my eyes. My smile reveals a beautiful happiness that is undoubtful. I do not know whether this is what happens to everyone. When not even the things that were certainly fascinating to you beforehand in the world just fade away like letters written in the wind.

Perhaps it could be to the whole world or I could as well just be alone in this. Feeling the pain of being helpless and not having anything to do about it. When your journey brings you to the bridge of leaving childhood and crossing over to adulthood. You stand in the middle. What I want is to let go, jump over and fall into the depth between the two cliffs. Maybe when I fall, the wind will rush to meet my skin and I will prefer the wind slapping on me to a humanity that declined to embrace me. Feeling the air enter my lungs with immense velocity. Giving me a moment of refreshment yet the thought of the solid ground underneath me that will crush me makes me retreat.

Going back to where I come from is impossible. Walking towards my destination makes me feel old. Realising with a few steps which I take, trying to move ahead, that I have no one to look up to. All of them are fairly as scared of life as I am. So now no one is different from me. They all seemed to have solutions to everything but they all now tackle things in the same way that I do.

I hear a tick like that of a clock. All so sudden. I should have known but I had forgotten! I recognize this call. A call of time to leave my aged hollow thoughts. A new dawn. How I keep failing to look at this one place. The loft where every answer needed pours out down to us all. Heaven.

I lift my head. A certain warmth and calmness overwhelms me. I know exactly what I should do. So I start running. Soon, I will have left this thin air, bid goodbye to the dampness and whether it was a conspiracy or not, it does not matter anymore. The dark forest that had engulfed me now has sun rays coming in between its tree branches. I will have found reason and purpose once more.

Everything is seasonal. This was one of them. I will leave and not look behind. Just another part of life survived. On flipping to the next page, this one will have been long erased in memory. Forever forgotten as if it never existed.

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