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What does it really mean to forgive someone?
●If a believer is injured in their character, person, or property by a fellow believer are they to forgive them in the same manner that Jesus and Stephen forgave those (unbelievers) who did them harm?
IF A BELIEVER IS INJURED IN THEIR CHARACTER, PERSON, OR PROPERTY BY A FELLOW BELIEVER ARE THEY TO FORGIVE IN THE SAME MANNER THAT JESUS AND STEPHEN DID?
We have learned in the previous chapter what the words “forgive them” mean, which is to pray to God the Father to not punish those (unbelievers) who caused the physical injury, along with the victim’s hope for their salvation.
But what if we are injured by a fellow believer?
Are we to ignore it and give the matter over to God the Father by means of praying to him that he would not punish them?
There are probably many believers that would say yes, because this is the mindset that Jesus expressed when he was on the cross and that the deacon Stephen expressed in the midst of being stoned to death by the Sanhedrim.
The only way to find out is to search this idea out by means of scripture.
Matt. 18:15-17 talks about a believer being trespassed against by another believer. This word “trespass” means to injure another person’s character by words, to injure their person, which could involve physical harm, or to do something against someone else’s property, that could possibly mean to damage it, break it, steal it, etc.
15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee,…
These are also actions that have no legal standing. They simply exhibit sinful behavior.
What should our response be?
Should we go to God the Father in prayer asking him to not punish them and to provide for an opportunity for the gospel to be presented to them?
Furthermore should we from hereon in stay away from them or treat them in a manner as if nothing has ever happened?
The scriptures indicate that we are to go to the offending believer alone mentioning their fault to them with reason and argument with a view of convincing them of their offense with the hope that they will admit wrong and be gained (restored). This idea of restoration seems to not only have to do with the fact that the matter has been resolved between one another, but it also gives the idea of providing the offending believer with instruction so that they can become aware of the scriptural view about their offense and appropriate this mindset for themselves.
15 … go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
Even though the word forgiveness is not used the idea of forgiveness is conveyed. The payment required in order to resolve the believer’s offense is in them confessing their fault to the victim. Forgiveness is provided by the victim in accepting them back into fellowship with themselves. The offense if and addressed and resolved should then be forgotten by the victim.
However, if the offending believer refuses to admit wrong and there is at least one other eye or ear witness to the offense, then you should go back to them and address the matter again. If they refuse to admit wrong or refuses to meet with you, then the matter is not forgiven. I hope that you got this. If they decide to not admit wrong, then the matter is not to be forgiven
Wow, what a shocking statement.
Are you surprised by this?
16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
The next step would be to bring the matter before those in the church, who have been appointed to address these issues.
17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: …
The accused, the victim, and the witnesses would come before the judicial court of the local assembly in order to determine innocence of guilt. If the offending believer is found guilty, and admits guilt, then the matter is resolved. The judicial court of the local assembly could impose a disciplinary measure. If the offending believer is in a leadership position, then they could be removed from their duties for a specified period of time. They could be told to confess their fault to the other members of the local assembly, who were witnesses to their offense. Once the discipline measures have been fulfilled, then the matter would be forgiven. This idea would mean that the person would be free from further punishment. I will restate this again. The idea of forgiveness in this case would be to free someone from further punishment.
If the offending believer does not admit guilt, then they would be told to leave the assembly.
17 … but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
In the Jewish synagogue a fellow Jew, who does not admit their offense would be considered as a pagan gentile, which to their fellow Jew would mean that they would have no religious contact or communion (not associate, eat, or travel) with this person. This would be analogous to a Jew becoming a tax collector, who would be considered as someone not to have any association with. This same idea would apply to the offending believer. In this case forgiveness is not provided. The idea of: restoration between the parties; providing instruction for renewal; and forgetting about the offense will not take place.
One more thing, what if the offending believer is approached alone, refuses to admit guilt, and there are no other witnesses, then what should our response be?
They are not to be forgiven. Our response toward them should be that we will have no religious contact or communion (not associate, eat, or travel) with them. This can be difficult as far as church functions are concerned. Try to address this in a manner that works for you within these scriptural guidelines.
Some might say that there is no scriptural basis for this kind of reaction. Take a look at Luke 17:3.
Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. LUKE 17:3
If the fellow believer repents (changes their mind, admits wrong), then they are to be forgiven (to give us a debt). If they don’t repent, then the debt, their payment for their sin has not been made through admission of guilt. Therefore they are not to be forgiven.
This idea of forgiveness is quite different from praying to God the Father that he would remove punishment, isn’t it?
In our Christian walk there will be instances that will occur that will involve forgiveness.
For instance, back when I was attending Bible College, I had an uncomfortable interaction with two pastors.
In the early 80’s, I was approached by two pastors concerning managing a gold and silver store.. They promised me 50% commission on any profit to which I agreed.
I was previously trained by a fellow believer to detect how much gold was in an item, and somehow they must have found out about this.
At the end of each work week I would bring the gold and silver that I purchased to a refinery, which would pay me according to the value of the precious metals.
At the end of the first week, I brought 50% of the profit to the pastors, and was told that the percentage was incorrect. They told me that their percentage should be 65%. I reiterated to the pastors that we had previously negotiated a 50% commission, which was the primary condition for me quitting my previous job. I had secured a job working for a machine shop that was contracted by the government to machine parts for the F-15 fighter jets. Jobs in this area of the country were few and far between. The pay was considered on the high end, and benefits were provided.
I can remember asking them to give me an assurance that this percentage of 50% would not change, and they said that it wouldn’t. The pastors, however, changed their mind saying that it wouldn’t be right to give me a higher commission than the other people, who were also working for them.
I had one of three choices to make in response.
The first was to quit, not associate with them again, and tell everyone about how I was misled.
The second was to accept the change, but still tell everyone about how I was misled.
The third choice was to accept the change with the mindset that they didn’t intentionally mislead me. They realized that their initial offer was one that they couldn’t abide by.
I went the avenue of choosing number two. I accepted the change, but told my wife that I believed that I had been misled. Little did I know at the time, that she would harbor resentment toward these two pastors. Furthermore, this caused her be ever more suspicious of those who were in the leadership positions of the church. In most cases a wife is going to believe her husband, if he has a disagreement with another believer. By telling her of this in this manner, I also opened the door of opportunity for her to tell others about this incident in an accusatory manner.
Situations are not always clear cut. Sometimes those who have offended us have a legitimate reason for changing their mind. Hopefully dialoging with them will help to better understand what has transpired.
If you believe that you have been mistreated intentionally by another believer, then it is appropriate to go and discuss the matter with them alone. However, before you go back to discuss the matter, check your motives. If your thoughts are consumed with the unfairness of it all, and with the intention of getting them back, then stop in your tracks. Don’t go any further. As difficult as it may be, confess this mindset as sin to God the Father.
Then start thinking about God’s scriptural perspective in this area.
Don’t start calling other people up telling them about your mistreatment.
Try to resolve it according to God’s scriptural prescription.
In the next chapter we will at forgiveness in regards to catching a fellow believer by surprise when they are in the act of committing sin. How is forgiveness to be applied in this case?
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