Family

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You never forget receiving shocking news, and the details of the day often stick with you as clearly as the news itself. I distinctly remember watching my boyfriend (now husband) play baseball when my walkie-talkie sized Nokia rang and a funny number showed up. I answered it and listened intently at the biggest surprise of my life.

My husband’s friend saw me and mouthed, “What’s wrong?” I just shook my head. He later said he thought someone had died by my pale and expressionless face. Honestly, I don’t think a death would have been as shocking as finding out my dad was married.

I had just gotten used to my mom dating again, and had finally grown to like my soon-to-be step-dad. I admit I acted like a brat for a while, perhaps because I did not want my mom get hurt again. Something about being the oldest made me feel this unnecessary responsibility to take care of my parents and sister. Now I felt as if I needed to protect my dad, but couldn’t.

He called from the Philippines where he had just married a women he met online. I listened intently as each detail seemed more unbelievable. My sister and I hadn’t seen him in a few weeks, but he liked to travel so we assumed he was visiting relatives. I also knew he had talked to a few women online, but had no idea it was serious.

I would like to say that when he came home we all lived happily ever after. But that would be a bald-faced lie. It took me a while to get up the courage to meet my new step-mom, and I had to casually start coming around until we actually formed a relationship.

In my mind, my dad went about his new marriage all-wrong. My mom and step-dad were the same age and dated about a year before getting married. I also thought it was cute and innocent that they met at my high school football game. My new step-mom was closer to my age, and we had never even heard of her. Even though I now realize that my opinion didn’t matter, at the time I felt like my dad didn’t care about me. I felt like I was not important enough to have met his girlfriend.

They eventually had a child, and it was hard to see my dad spending time with this little girl knowing that he was always working when I was young. I would try to talk to him, but get mad again. This went on for too long, and I became bitter. Then one night something just “clicked.”

To say the Lord works in mysterious ways is an understatement, because what broke me was an Adam Sandler movie. In the movie Click, Sandler’s character has a magic remote that can fast forward and rewind his life. He gets ahead in his career, unfortunately by fast-forwarding family time.

Then his dad dies. He rewinds to the last time he saw his dad and plays it over and over. He was rude to his dad and regretted it forever. Tears ran down my face as I thought, What if my dad died tomorrow? I told my husband that I had to talk to my dad the next time I saw him.

That next weekend at a high school football game I asked him to talk in private. I started crying when I explained how sorry I was for judging him. As long as he was happy, it should not matter how he got there. I wanted to get to know my step-mom and little sister.

Luckily my sister was only a few years old, so she may not remember life without me. She is funny and a joy to watch grow up. My step-mom is also nice, and I never would have met her had I not forgave my dad. I now have good relationships with all my parents and am glad they ignored me when I tried to “protect” them.

I am proud to say I came full circle from that high school baseball game when I got my shocking news to the high school football game when I truly forgave my father. If I had a magic remote I would rewind and do it all differently. But real life doesn’t let you go back, only forward. That’s why it’s important to make sure every scene counts.

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