As a child I sat on my balcony and watched my neighbour’s cat Jason, perched on the edge of his garden chair, waiting for any mice that would pass his way. I always knew when he had seen one, because his body language changed. His tail would slightly wag and his eyes appeared larger. I knew then I would have to be completely silent, not to break his attention, as catching mice was his sport.
He sat in that chair for hours eagerly waiting; how I admired his patience. But then, he would pounce on his catch, wiggle the mice in his month, crack its head with his teeth, drop it and walk away.
Ummm ... Isn’t that a metaphor for the experiences of some women we meet? A man continues to pursue a woman even after several failed attempts, remaining persistent because the excitement is in the chase. Most women who are lonely, sheltered and have fragile feeling about themselves from lack of attention are drawn in, and romance thoughts, that this persistence must be love and give in to their charms; only to find months later it was fantasy and the relationship slowly plummet, taking a dive never to resurface, because they didn’t know each other and a committed relationship was not the reality. Kate M. Wachs in her article, ‘Pacing a New Romantic Relationship’ writes ‘new relationships are fragile. If you rush through important intimacy stages, the relationship takes a hit — and often ends prematurely.’
Growing up, I was always guided by scriptures, not as a restriction but as a protection. One frequently used when counselled on Singleness was Colossians 3:5 (ESV) in part Paul writes ‘Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity [and] passion ...’ A sincere man or woman will wait until you both get to know each other well and are committed before intimacy. Dr. John Barton in his book ‘Celebrated not Tolerated’ writes ‘We are called to guard our minds, our hearts and our bodies........’
Be Careful and Ask Questions
When it comes to considering someone as your Life Partner, be wise and become friends first. Be careful not to be taken in by smooth talking and charming advances. Proverbs 26:23-25 (CJB) states ‘..........on a clay pot are lips that burn [with friendship] over a hating heart. He who hates may hide it with his speech; but inside, he harbours deceit. He may speak pleasantly, but don’t trust him; ..............’
Ask questions, to avoid unhealthy attachments and to consider if the person is compatible with you. Dr. Barton explains how valuable and necessary this is; he states ‘Compatibility is about sharing similar principles, goals, views and values. It is also being able to appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses......you connect based on your fundamental values and beliefs.’ Ask common questions about his family and personal life. Get into his circles and observe him with his friends, sit with his family and observe them. Learn as much about the man you desire before you decide. Observe his behaviour in your circle with friends and family. Be sure to know all if not most areas of his personality that are good and the not so good you are prepared to tolerate; and be patient, as this can take some time.
The most important question is whether either of you are ready for a committed relationship. More frequent than not, people rush into relationships on the rebound; going from one relationship to the next right away, to avoid the pain of a breakup, only to realise some months later you have nothing in common, there is no real attraction. Other unhealthy attachments are those who enter relationships with ‘emotional baggage’ and rehearse the hurt they left, or what left them. Stephan Labossiere in his book ‘God where is my Boaz? Writes ‘You must forgive & heal, then you can love again.’ The widely used scripture on ‘Love’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (ESV) states ‘Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; itdoes not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth...........‘
Two quotes I often hear many women recite are, ‘I want someone who can complete me’, and ‘I want to find my other half.’ What I would say to that is you need to be complete to find someone who is complete. If you are looking for someone to complete you, that makes you incomplete, and you will possibly find an incomplete person that neither of you can complete. Henry Ford states 'whether you think you can, or you can't, you're right.’ See yourself as complete so you too can attract a complete person. ‘The Law of Attraction’ will fundamentally bring into existence whatever you focus on, whether it is good or bad, it doesn’t know the difference. It can only act upon where you place your attention; place your attention on what you really desire.
So what is your choice?
I hope you recognise it’s not about being chased or being caught, it’s about being confident that the man who has found you is ‘The One’. When you’ve given yourselves time to know and grow together, there is no doubt your match is made in Heaven. This last scripture says it all ‘..... may your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven’ Matthew 6:10 (ISV).
CJB ~ Completer Jewish Bible
ESV ~ English Standard Version
ISV ~ International Standard Version
NKJV ~ New King James Version
Celebrated not Tolerated ~ Dr. John Barton
God where is my Boaz? ~ Stephen Labossiere
Pacing a New Relationship ~ Kate M. Wachs
Quotes ~ By Henry Ford
Spiritual & Insight Counsellor & Transformational Life Coach