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I am glad I am back to the heart of writing on faithwriters.
Well, God had blessed me with a boyfriend (as I shared in my previous testimony), we broke up in year 2009. I have been living back in HK for quite many years now.
Recently I have been struggling with same sex attraction.
Again? Yes do not be surprised by that...if you have left gay lifestyle and then you realised yourself having same sex attraction.....that's my situation....I know many ex-gay couples they will from time to time experience the same sex temptation too, yes even though God has blessed them with marriage to the opposite sex. Temptation is still everywhere for us...
It is not that we are saying, our testimonies aren't true....we are perhaps telling you that temptations can still be around us...whether we are married or single. Temptations of any kind will still be trying to trouble us.
Yes, I had fallen in love with a great man of God, I did love a guy deeply and with all my heart....I am in no doubt to admit that there's such a big difference between loving a girl and loving a guy.
Yes after years and years of waiting....
Same sex attraction can in fact happen to many people....we sometimes couldn't help admiring those that are pretty and handsome, and in year 2014 was such a breakthrough for me that I experienced rich friendship with other sisters in church, I used to feel hurt and so I isolated myself from any hurt as much as possible, I have never experienced friendship or sisterhood with similar age ladies, but in year 2014 I experienced that.....I have overcome my shyness and I hang out with ladies a lot....only then I discovered myself falling into a sister that I admire the most ....it came as a shock to me...I couldn't know what to do....God has been very good to both of us, sending us help along the way!
Well...I've never experienced such a thing for some time....(I meant same sex attraction), I couldn't believe that it could happen again on me - perhaps I have pride issue???? I have under-estimate Satan's cunning scheme to kill and to destroy....I was having such a good start in 2014...enjoying pure friendship with other ladies, suddenly just go BANG again.
Not sure if you are experiencing just the same thing.
Don't be despised....God in His mercy will uphold us in this kind of situation.....
Don't doubt about His past healing in you....
I know God has been faithful, God has indeed changed me so much...
One joke to tell, when I approached that lady, she kept on telling me, come on..you are a 100% female, you cannot appeal to me at all, you are so lady!
You know I couldn't help but just laugh at myself....the new me is totally different than the past me (I was like a guy in the past, now though I am struggling with same sex attraction, my sister reminded me I have been changed by Jesus, I am no longer looking like a guy at all to her and to other ladies....how I praise the Lord for her reminder of the current me!)
So ...believe that God will see you and me through all this struggle....we are struggling....we are not sinning (as long as we want to be made whole by Christ).
Shemariah is passionate about the sexually broken. Check out her ministries site on http://jesusloveslgbt.org to read articles reagarding to homosexuality or same sex attraction issues, some parental guidance are provided also
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