Christian Living

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Rejection

Rejection is a complex issue, and we have all faced it in one way or another. Rejection is complex because often, it is the root of so many problems in people’s lives, yet it can go unnoticed or overlooked. Behaviours such as aggression, low-self esteem, shyness, self-hatred, defensiveness, violence and others can be linked back to rejection.
In my own life, I have painful memories of rejection. I remember as a young black boy growing up in London being called names on a daily basis at school because of the colour of my skin. I couldn’t understand it at the time. I would be playing football with my “friends” one minute, but as soon as some trivial disagreement came up, those darts came flying at me again. It hurt, but over the course of my life, the love of God has washed away all of that rejection and I have long since moved on.
So why does rejection hurt so much? It hurts simply because we all want to be loved and accepted. Rejection goes against that completely. Rejection often says to us “I don’t want you”, “I do not accept you”, “I do not love you”, and that is painful.
As I knelt praying about rejection, so I could write this chapter, God spoke to me and said “Rejection is overcome by your purpose”. I will try to expand upon this and explain this by looking at some biblical accounts from the life of Paul and Joseph. God helped these men overcome extreme rejection. I will finish off by showing how Jesus Himself dealt with the biggest rejection anyone has ever experienced.

Paul
Acts 13:42-14:28
... So when the Jews went out of the synagogue, the Gentiles begged that these words might be preached to them the next Sabbath. Now when the congregation had broken up, many of the Jews and devout proselytes followed Paul and Barnabas, who, speaking to them, persuaded them to continue in the grace of God.
On the next Sabbath almost the whole city came together to hear the word of God. But when the Jews saw the multitudes, they were filled with envy; and contradicting and blaspheming, they opposed the things spoken by Paul. Then Paul and Barnabas grew bold and said, “It was necessary that the word of God should be spoken to you first; but since you reject it, and judge yourselves unworthy of everlasting life, behold, we turn to the Gentiles. For so the Lord has commanded us:
‘I have set you as a light to the Gentiles,
That you should be for salvation to the ends of the earth.’”
Now when the Gentiles heard this, they were glad and glorified the word of the Lord. And as many as had been appointed to eternal life believed.
And the word of the Lord was being spread throughout all the region. But the Jews stirred up the devout and prominent women and the chief men of the city, raised up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them from their region. But they shook off the dust from their feet against them, and came to Iconium. And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.
Now it happened in Iconium that they went together to the synagogue of the Jews, and so spoke that a great multitude both of the Jews and of the Greeks believed. But the unbelieving Jews stirred up the Gentiles and poisoned their minds against the brethren. Therefore they stayed there a long time, speaking boldly in the Lord, who was bearing witness to the word of His grace, granting signs and wonders to be done by their hands.
But the multitude of the city was divided: part sided with the Jews, and part with the apostles. And when a violent attempt was made by both the Gentiles and Jews, with their rulers, to abuse and stone them, they became aware of it and fled to Lystra and Derbe, cities of Lycaonia, and to the surrounding region. And they were preaching the gospel there.
Idolatry at Lystra
And in Lystra a certain man without strength in his feet was sitting, a cripple from his mother’s womb, who had never walked. This man heard Paul speaking. Paul, observing him intently and seeing that he had faith to be healed, 10 said with a loud voice, “Stand up straight on your feet!” And he leaped and walked. 11 Now when the people saw what Paul had done, they raised their voices, saying in the Lycaonian language, “The gods have come down to us in the likeness of men!” And Barnabas they called Zeus, and Paul, Hermes, because he was the chief speaker. Then the priest of Zeus, whose temple was in front of their city, brought oxen and garlands to the gates, intending to sacrifice with the multitudes.
But when the apostles Barnabas and Paul heard this, they tore their clothes and ran in among the multitude, crying out and saying, “Men, why are you doing these things? We also are men with the same nature as you, and preach to you that you should turn from these useless things to the living God, who made the heaven, the earth, the sea, and all things that are in them, who in bygone generations allowed all nations to walk in their own ways. Nevertheless He did not leave Himself without witness, in that He did good, gave us rain from heaven and fruitful seasons, filling our hearts with food and gladness.” And with these sayings they could scarcely restrain the multitudes from sacrificing to them.
Stoning, Escape to Derbe
Then Jews from Antioch and Iconium came there; and having persuaded the multitudes, they stoned Paul and dragged him out of the city, supposing him to be dead. However, when the disciples gathered around him, he rose up and went into the city. And the next day he departed with Barnabas to Derbe.

Strengthening the Converts
And when they had preached the gospel to that city and made many disciples, they returned to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch, strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, “We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.” So when they had appointed elders in every church, and prayed with fasting, they commended them to the Lord in whom they had believed. And after they had passed through Pisidia, they came to Pamphylia. Now when they had preached the word in Perga, they went down to Attalia. From there they sailed to Antioch, where they had been commended to the grace of God for the work which they had completed.
Now when they had come and gathered the church together, they reported all that God had done with them, and that He had opened the door of faith to the Gentiles. So they stayed there a long time with the disciples.

We pick up the account of Paul and Barnabas preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in the city of Antioch. Up till this time, they were only preaching to their fellow Jews. As was the custom of the time, as they entered each new city to preach they went to the synagogue first. Gentiles (non-Jews) were not allowed into the synagogue, but they wanted to hear the gospel as well. As you will see, eventually the gospel spread beyond the walls and the whole city wanted to hear it. However when many of the Jewish people saw that the gospel was being preached to the Gentiles, they started to reject Paul and Barnabas and the message they carried. The Jews actually rejected them to the point of forcing them out of town. As a result, they went to Iconium and started preaching fully to the Gentiles.

The rejection of the gospel by the Jews caused Paul and Barnabas to start preaching it to the Gentiles. This was the plan of God all along, that the Gentiles would be exposed the gospel and have the opportunity to receive salvation through Christ. Rejection was the tool God used to change Paul and Barnabas’ course. Imagine if the Jews had accepted Paul and Barnabas’ message. Maybe the Gentiles in that region would never have had the chance to hear the gospel and be saved.
God works in our lives similarly today. You may be rejected in some way in the other, which leads you to take a course of action which takes you in the direction the Lord wants you to go. For example what you may get turned down for a job opportunity that you really thought was God’s best for you. You feel discouraged at first, but after a while you continue to go for a job somewhere else and you get that one. God used the closed door of the first opportunity to lead you into the second one. Another example is that you are rejected or “brushed off” by a particular friend or group of friends. You feel very hurt by this and wonder what it is about you why you no longer fit in. After a while you make new friendships that turn out to be healthy and a blessing to your life. God used the rejection to guide you into new relationships that He knew would help you in your life. There are countless scenarios like the two I have mentioned, in which God can actually use the rejection of a particular situation to lead you into His blessings. The key is that with God’s wisdom we see the situation from His point of view and not ours. Often what we think is a very bad and hurtful situation in our life can turn out to be good.

As Paul and Barnabas continue on to Iconium, they now preach openly to both the Jews and Gentiles. God is truly with them and pleased with what they are doing, because He is confirmed their message with signs and wonders. No doubt people were being miraculously healed of all kinds of sicknesses. The lame were being made to walk, the blind could now see etc. However in the midst of God working so miraculously in that city, opposition still came. Some of the people actually abused and stoned Paul and Barnabas. It is a sad but true fact of life that the very same people who you are seeking to bless are the ones who turn around and reject what you are trying to do for them. These men could have taken it to heart, but they didn’t. No, the abuse and violence against them didn’t deter them from fulfilling their purpose. They did not shrink back at fear or indulge in self-pity, but simply moved on. That is what we have to do as well when faced with rejection or abuse – move on with your purpose. These apostles did not waste time and energy trying to convince anyone to like or accept them. They obeyed God and left the rest up to Him. We should do the same.

You see, the abuse and threats they faced were actually a signal that they were doing something right. God wouldn’t have been doing miracles if they were not. Often in life, the devil will seek to hinder and stop us fulfilling our purpose by trying to intimidate and cause fear. However we should use his weapons as a signal to know that we are on the right track. That is what Paul and Barnabas did. They actually took encouragement from the adverse reactions they faced and were more determined to press ahead.

At Lystra the contrast between extreme acceptance and extreme rejection is magnified. They were actually worshipped as gods because of the miracles they did. However after Paul sets them straight and gives the glory to Christ instead of taking it for themselves. It would at first have seemed as if this place of all places would be the one where the message would be accepted universally.

As mentioned, satan hates when Christ is glorified and will always seek to oppose. On this occasion though not only is Paul abused and threatened, but he was stoned to the point of nearly dying – by the same people who were worshipping him as Hermes!
What happens next is a great lesson in life. After Paul is left for dead, the disciples gathered around him. It was at this point that God Himself stepped in and healed Paul. What a miracle for a man who was on the brink of death to miraculously rise up. When you are rejected, down and out, left for dead, make sure there are people in your life at that point who can gather around you. It may not be many, but just two or three. It is vital that you have such people in your life that can pray for you, encourage you, help you. That was the key to Paul’s recovery. When people of similar faith, values and principles gathered around him, they were actually protecting him and praying for him, while God did the miracle on his body. God heals and delivers like that in these days too, and not only in our bodies, but in whatever way we need Him to act – in our minds, emotions, relationships, finances. He can cause us to miraculously rise up out of the jaws of defeat and soar like an eagle in victory.

Paul emerged from this attack on him stronger. The rejection and pain didn’t deter him. It made him stronger. He went back to the same territories where he was previously rejected and encouraged the believers.

Joseph

Genesis 37

Now Jacob dwelt in the land where his father was a stranger, in the land of Canaan. This is the history of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brothers. And the lad was with the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives; and Joseph brought a bad report of them to his father. Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colors. 4 But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him. Now Joseph had a dream, and he told it to his brothers; and they hated him even more. So he said to them, “Please hear this dream which I have dreamed: There we were, binding sheaves in the field. Then behold, my sheaf arose and also stood upright; and indeed your sheaves stood all around and bowed down to my sheaf.” And his brothers said to him, “Shall you indeed reign over us? Or shall you indeed have dominion over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words. Then he dreamed still another dream and told it to his brothers, and said, “Look, I have dreamed another dream. And this time, the sun, the moon, and the eleven stars bowed down to me.” So he told it to his father and his brothers; and his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall your mother and I and your brothers indeed come to bow down to the earth before you?” And his brothers envied him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

Then his brothers went to feed their father’s flock in Shechem. 13 And Israel said to Joseph, “Are not your brothers feeding the flock in Shechem? Come, I will send you to them.” So he said to him, “Here I am.” Then he said to him, “Please go and see if it is well with your brothers and well with the flocks, and bring back word to me.” So he sent him out of the Valley of Hebron, and he went to Shechem. Now a certain man found him, and there he was, wandering in the field. And the man asked him, saying, “What are you seeking?” So he said, “I am seeking my brothers. Please tell me where they are feeding their flocks.” And the man said, “They have departed from here, for I heard them say, ‘Let us go to Dothan.’” So Joseph went after his brothers and found them in Dothan. Now when they saw him afar off, even before he came near them, they conspired against him to kill him. Then they said to one another, “Look, this dreamer is coming! Come therefore, let us now kill him and cast him into some pit; and we shall say, ‘Some wild beast has devoured him.’ We shall see what will become of his dreams!” But Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands, and said, “Let us not kill him.” And Reuben said to them, “Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit which is in the wilderness, and do not lay a hand on him”—that he might deliver him out of their hands, and bring him back to his father. So it came to pass, when Joseph had come to his brothers, that they stripped Joseph of his tunic, the tunic of many colors that was on him. Then they took him and cast him into a pit. And the pit was empty; there was no water in it.
And they sat down to eat a meal. Then they lifted their eyes and looked, and there was a company of Ishmaelites, coming from Gilead with their camels, bearing spices, balm, and myrrh, on their way to carry them down to Egypt. So Judah said to his brothers, “What profit is there if we kill our brother and conceal his blood? Come and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him, for he is our brother and our flesh.” And his brothers listened. Then Midianite traders passed by; so the brothers pulled Joseph up and lifted him out of the pit, and sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty shekels of silver. And they took Joseph to Egypt.

Then Reuben returned to the pit, and indeed Joseph was not in the pit; and he tore his clothes. And he returned to his brothers and said, “The lad is no more; and I, where shall I go?” So they took Joseph’s tunic, killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the tunic in the blood. Then they sent the tunic of many colors, and they brought it to their father and said, “We have found this. Do you know whether it is your son’s tunic or not?”
And he recognized it and said, “It is my son’s tunic. A wild beast has devoured him. Without doubt Joseph is torn to pieces.” Then Jacob tore his clothes, put sackcloth on his waist, and mourned for his son many days. 35 And all his sons and all his daughters arose to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted, and he said, “For I shall go down into the grave to my son in mourning.” Thus his father wept for him. Now the Midianites had sold him in Egypt to Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh and captain of the guard.

Genesis 45
Then Joseph could not restrain himself before all those who stood by him, and he cried out, “Make everyone go out from me!” So no one stood with him while Joseph made himself known to his brothers. And he wept aloud, and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard it.
Then Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph; does my father still live?” But his brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed in his presence. And Joseph said to his brothers, “Please come near to me.” So they came near. Then he said: “I am Joseph your brother, whom you sold into Egypt. But now, do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life. 6 For these two years the famine has been in the land, and there are still five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. And God sent me before you to preserve a posterity for you in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So now it was not you who sent me here, but God; and He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.
“Hurry and go up to my father, and say to him, ‘Thus says your son Joseph: “God has made me lord of all Egypt; come down to me, do not tarry. You shall dwell in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near to me, you and your children, your children’s children, your flocks and your herds, and all that you have. There I will provide for you, lest you and your household, and all that you have, come to poverty; for there are still five years of famine.”’
“And behold, your eyes and the eyes of my brother Benjamin see that it is my mouth that speaks to you. So you shall tell my father of all my glory in Egypt, and of all that you have seen; and you shall hurry and bring my father down here.”
Then he fell on his brother Benjamin’s neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck. Moreover he kissed all his brothers and wept over them, and after that his brothers talked with him.
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Here we see another form of rejection. Paul and Barnabas were rejected because of the message they were trying to communicate to their fellow Jews. In the case of Joseph, he was rejected by his own brothers. These weren’t people who one could brush off and say “well, you don’t believe me, I will move on”. No, Joseph was rejected by his own flesh and blood, people in his own family, men he had grown up with. As I mentioned in a previous chapter, it is easy to read the Bible and take for granted some of the experiences people faced. “Joseph’s brothers hated him and wanted to kill him then throw him in a pit. However instead they didn’t kill him. They sold him into slavery instead...on to chapter 38” Take 2 minutes to really ponder this. You have a brother or sister. For whatever reason, you have a difference of view that leads them to hate you. They do something that causes you to spend one night in jail, though you have done nothing wrong. How would you feel? How angry or better would or could you feel towards your brother or sister. How would you deal with that rejection and betrayal. How long would it take you to forgive them? Would you even forgive them? How would you get over that night in jail and the fact that you did nothing to deserve it? After you came out of jail, would you go and seek revenge, try to get even?

The reason for all these questions is to help you imagine – even a little – what it must have been like for Joseph, to actually put yourself in his place in a sense. Joseph went through even worse. He was betrayed by all his brothers. He was sold into slavery, falsely accused and as a result went to prison – for many years. His brothers rejected him and betrayed him when he was only 17 (Genesis 37:2). He didn’t leave prison until he was 30 (Genesis 41:46). Joseph experienced extreme rejection and real deep pain. During those 13 years I am sure he was tempted to feel hatred, bitterness and unforgiveness towards his brothers. Maybe at times, he may have struggled to understand why they did what they did to him.

Although Joseph must have felt varying emotions and had many thoughts, God was working mightily in Joseph’s life. As you read the full story of Joseph’s journey, you will see for yourself how God was moulding and steering Joseph through his adversities and actually training him for the position of authority and honour he was to fill. God used Joseph’s time as a slave and an inmate to train him to be a Prime Minister.
Nothing goes to waste with God. The rejections, the hurts, the pain can all be used by God to turn those bad things into your life into something great. If He did it for Joseph, He can do it for you too. What is your part though? God can help you overcome extreme rejection and hurt...but you must forgive. That is the key – by God’s grace and love, forgive those who have rejected you, hurt you, betrayed you. God doesn’t expect you to do it on your own. He will help and empower you to let go of the pain and move forward.

I can tell you for sure that Joseph forgave his brothers. I cannot tell you exactly when he did it in that 13 year time span, but he did. You can see that from reading the portion of Genesis 45 above.
Joseph revealed himself to his brothers in love and forgiveness. God did such a great work in his life that he actually said to them “God sent me here to preserve life”. He didn’t say “you sold me into slavery”. Joseph’s heart was transformed on the journey from the pit to the palace. He could look back and realise that the rejection he experienced was part of God’s divine plan to get him to where he needed to be. Joseph’s trials and tests were not to destroy him, but they were being used by our great God to bless nations and millions of people.
Could it be that God is wanting to work in your life in the same way. I am not saying we are all going to be national leaders like Joseph was. However it could be that the rejection or adverse situations you are facing or have faced can be used by God as part of His plan for your life – to be blessed, and be a blessing. The key though, is to by faith give the situation over to Him, and let him guide and direct you. It is only then that you will see the fulfilment of Romans 8:28 in your life – “ALL things work together for GOOD for those who love God, and are called according to HIS purpose.”

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