Fiction

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When I saw the blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror, I'll have to admit I really wasn't aware of why I was being pulled over. I was in a town that I wasn't totally familiar with, had just left an appointment that didn't really go as I had hoped, and I was feeling frustrated with some problems with sleep that I had been challenged with. Life seemed so unsettled at this point - change was around the corner and again, shortly, I would start my new "adult" life chapter. My college graduation was right around the corner and I was excited as well as uncertain- a mix of emotions seem to be camped over me consistently as that date drew near. So yes, back to those blue lights! "License and registration", the police officer said, after he asked me if I knew why he had pulled me over. After I briefly explained that I thought the speed limit was 40mph, he took my documents, informed me it was 30mph and disappeared back to his patrol car. Ok, I didn't think I was speeding so I quickly got angry. That anger provoked this thought - sir, don't you have criminals to catch? I mean, really? When he returned and handed me the ticket and bluntly told me I had 15 days to pay, the anger welled within me all the more, but I contained it. Busted! One hundred and fifty dollars busted. I made a call to my mom to rant and rave after I finished up with the officer, but she didn't answer right away. My anger settled over the rest of the emotions of the week and I decided it was one of those days! As I drove further I had another dominant thought- not one that I wanted mind you! The guilty conviction thought overwhelmed me and I was angry at myself, because I knew that I had gotten a speeding violation deferred not even quite a year ago. Funny how that didn't cross my mind first, before I was angry at the officer for pulling me over. I wanted to do something to punish myself for my mistake, this time being my second one in less than a year - ugh! My punishment was going to be in my pocket book, because my deferred ticket depended upon me having no more speeding violations within the year - I blew it! I had two tickets to pay now. My mom's return call could not have come at a better time as she listened without interrupting as I broke down and explained between sobs what had happened. The tears released a multitude of the other emotions that the anger brought to life leaving me with a sense of "enough!" She let me finish and only asked me a few questions. My mom expressed that she was sorry I was having a bad day, for she knew- she had also accompanied me to my earlier appointment as well as listened over lunch to me voice my fear of just the ”not knowing" of the new life chapter. Although she agreed that I was having a bad day, she encouraged me that I would survive it. She did remind me of a fact, one that I knew, but hadn't really owned up to, so that I could make intentional changes to perhaps not let it happen again. The fact being, I had a " led foot" that needed to be more cautious on the gas pedal and mindful of the speed limits. My court deferred speeding violation may have just been a ticket "to escape the consequence" - in a sense, a grace -but perhaps now as I look back, it didn't cause me to be any more mindful of my speed because it didn't cost me anything except a hand written letter asking to be pardoned. I wish I could tell you that I immediately was free from anger and beating myself up, but it took the rest of that day to let the anger go- the sun was setting! Anger comes, but I don't need to let it stay. Lord, help me to not let the sun go down in anger at others or myself. Tomorrow is a new day. Thank you that you are in each one!


Don't Let The Sun Go Down While You Are Still Angry

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