Christian Living
An open letter to the church and our Christian leaders…
Dear Church,
I have to tell you that as I write this letter my heart aches. I am not angry, but saddened and disappointed. You see, this weekend while at church I noticed something that really left me unsettled and not in a good way. As I was filling out my weekly connection card, I noticed something that I can’t believe has never caught my attention before. I began by filling in my name, my age group, and then I was asked to identify my relationship status. I was given three options: Married, Single, or Widowed. Hmm…I believe we are missing one here. What about divorced? A person who is divorced is not married. A person who is divorced is not widowed. Should a divorced person identify themselves as single? It is my opinion that these are two entirely different seasons of life as well as two completely different experiences and identities.
A person who is single has not experienced the relationship and commitment of marriage. While there may be people who have dated long term, that is still not the legal binding commitment of being married to another person. It is not experiencing the covenant of marriage between yourself, your spouse, and God. A single person (even if in a committed relationship) does not have the experience of being so intertwined with another life (financially, emotionally, spiritually) that they actually become a part of another.
A person who has been divorced is not “single,” in the sense that they have never been married. They may not be in a relationship at the current time with another person, but they have experienced the covenant of marriage. Their lives have been deeply intertwined with another. They were legally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually bound to another human being. Their experiences in life are not the same of someone who is “single” as has yet to experience this type of commitment.
Now some may argue that to offer the identity of “divorced” on the connection card could be interpreted as the church supporting divorce. I disagree. By not offering the option you ostracizing and judging a group of people when you are unaware of their circumstances. I am not advocating divorce in any way. However, I feel strongly that the church needs to acknowledge the fact that there are times when divorce is justified. Would the church want a woman to stay married to a man if he is abusing her? Is this the life God wants for one of His beloved children? Is she to stay until she is beaten to death? What if her husband is an unbeliever and refuses to get help for his problems?
Now I know there will be struggles in marriage and sometimes arguments get heated. And I am absolutely not advocating ending a marriage because it gets tough, but no one has the right to abuse another person, ever. No one should be forced to stay in a situation where their life is in danger because the church will frown upon them getting divorced. It is reported that 1 in 4 woman are abused in their marriages. Church, please think about this, that is 25% of your female congregation. And I can almost guarantee you this number is much greater because many woman fear the judgement and being outcast and a result they hide their wounds, either physical and /or emotional. Or if this woman is new to the Church (maybe she is looking for love and support, or maybe she wants to heal), by not offering that simple check off box of “divorced,” what you are saying to her is “You are not wanted. You are not accepted. To be divorced means you have failed.”
Church, please know that by not offering that one little word, you may just be rejecting someone without realizing it. That is not the love, grace, and compassion of Jesus. He loves us all, no matter what. Do not be afraid of the “D” word. You do not know someone’s situation and by not offering someone the ability to choose their identity, you are condemning them.
Please take the time to consider my words. Let’s not judge, we are only to love.
Sincerely,
Maddie
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