Testimonies

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I wasn't raised by believers. Nor did I really have any in my life, I always knew God was there though, even as I argued against His existence. I was so angry; I cursed God and hated him for all the pain and suffering I had to endure without reason, I hated Him for the awful world He had created. All the people who hurt each other, all the misery, what was the point of any of it?

  When I was a young child I got angry at my mom and ran away to the woods and climbed to the top of my tree-house. I started screaming at God, “Bring it on! If you're really there then strike me down right now!” I would jump out and grab onto a branch and swing over the roughly 20 foot drop, Then come back and scream some more. On the third or fourth swing He answered; the branch broke and I fell.

  I woke up on my stomach, the branch on top of me, my hand twisted around unnaturally at the wrist. I felt too weak to move, and all I could do was cry and say “I'm sorry” and yell for help. My mom's boyfriend came and found me, carried me home. The next decade or so went by about the same, I would get angry and defy Him, then He would discipline me, but reveal Himself more to me in doing so. Yet He also protected me at every turn, time and time again I would realize that “someone must be looking out for me”, but with the thought came surly defiance, not thankfulness.

  I was given a respite from the world at the age of 16, at a high school military academy. Most of us had been put there as a last resort to correct unwanted behavior, some even court sentenced. We became brothers, we talked about our troubles, and being out in the middle of nowhere, stuck together in that barracks, we were removed from the pains of the world. It was a sanctuary, even though we still gripped about being stuck there. After that I wasn't so angry anymore, but I was still thoroughly lost.

  At 17 I met Kristen, the girl who would later be my wife. The U.S. Navy called with an opportunity to provide a good job and college that would help me to marry and build a family, so I took it. It was while I was away in boot camp that I said my first prayer to God (that wasn't in anger) “Please protect Kristen while I'm gone.” I didn't find out until later that within a couple weeks of that prayer she and her sister were in a serious head-on collision and walked away unscathed. The car didn't fare as well.

  I realized that even though I had cursed Him in anger, God had been leading me to Him the entire time. He had even given me the gift of the greatest companion I could ever ask for, and a successful life that allowed us to have an amazing wedding, head out on our own, and have three beautiful children.

  In the decade since I spoke that prayer, I have heard the gospel, accepted our Lord Jesus Christ and a personal relationship with him and been lead to the most amazing church; a place full of a more loving community than I believed existed. Even though I had no spiritual guide, no mentor, no knowledge of the basic truths behind His word, still God lead me in His own way. I have seen every argument I ever had gently rebuked, I have seen my own ignorance, and been given instead a great gift, a relationship with the God of Heaven.

  My savior who sacrificed so much to redeem my mistakes, has accepted me entirely, despite all my many sins. I have been rescued from this world and granted entry into the Kingdom of Heaven, not because I've ever earned it, but simply because He loves me.

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