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The Early Turkey Gets the Gobble

by James Snyder 
11/22/14
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I awoke a little groggy and made my way to the kitchen only to be confronted by the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. There are times to confront her and then there are times to run the other way. Being in such a groggy state of affairs, I was not really thinking.

“Here is your coffee and breakfast,” she said rather sternly, “go to your study, eat this and stay out of the kitchen.”

As usual, I did what I was told, collected my breakfast and headed for my study. As I sat in my chair and started consuming my breakfast, I suddenly noticed I was surrounded with an overpowering aroma I knew was not my breakfast. Until I have had my first cup of coffee in the morning, I am really not sure that it is morning.

As the little grey cells begin to wake up after a half a cup of coffee, it dawned on me that the aroma was a familiar aroma but I just could not place it. Then it hit me. It was Thanksgiving and my wife was preparing the family Thanksgiving dinner. If this Thanksgiving preparation time was like all the times before, I needed to avoid the kitchen area as much as possible.

Just saying.

When she is in her family Thanksgiving turkey-roasting mode, I need to stay out of her way. This is an important history lesson for me unless I want to be history.

Then she poked her head through the doorway and said, “I have to go for several hours, I do not want you to go to the kitchen.”

“What if I need another cup of coffee?”

“OK, but that’s it. Don’t get anywhere near the turkey. Understand?”

I understood, at least I thought I understood. I have been married long enough to know not to take anything for granted when instructions are coming from your celebrated spouse. I was going to stand up and salute, but she disappeared before I could get into action.

Everything went well for the first half hour. Then I noticed my coffee cup was empty and I needed to refill it. I am at the stage of life where I cannot do anything without my coffee. I am not addicted to it, but I think it just might be addicted to me. I cannot afford a psychiatrist to straighten me out on that one.

I want everybody to know, my intentions were good. I was going to go into the kitchen and get a refill on my coffee and then come back to my study and resume the project I was working on. Anyway, that was the plan.

Something happened as I poured my coffee. I smelled the most wonderful aroma in the world. I should have stopped myself when I had the strength, but I did not. I looked in the direction the aroma was coming and there it was.

One of the most scrumptious looking roast turkeys I have seen in my life. There it was on the counter waiting for the family to assemble and then dig in.

I can identify with that person who said that the only thing they cannot resist is temptation. I guess it all determines on your definition of temptation.

There it was in all of its glory. The smell was just overwhelming. I thought that it would not harm anything if I just went over and had a closer look at that magnificent delicacy. It just looked so good.

I then began thinking to myself, I always get in trouble when I think to myself, what harm would it be if I just tasted a wee bit of that turkey? After all, there was plenty of turkey for everyone.

I pulled off a little sliver of the turkey and examine it rather carefully and then popped it in my mouth. Oh, did my taste buds dance for joy. I was about ready to turn around, get my coffee and resume my project in my office when the taste buds clamored for just one more taste.

After all, what would it harm to have just one more little sliver?

I am not sure how many little slivers I had, I lost count, but I thought I had better stop and go back to my office before I went too far.

About an hour later I heard someone coming into the house, I knew it must be my wife. I went back to my work and busied myself.

“Honey,” a familiar voice yelled from the kitchen, “did you get into that turkey?”

It was then that I had one of those “uk-oh” moments. At first, I did not comprehend what she was talking about, and then it came to me that I had devoured several slivers of the roast turkey. From the tone of her voice I knew I was in deep “uk-oh” trouble, the kind of trouble you cannot talk your way out. The evidence was sorely against me.

After her formidable lecture, she left me to my solitude to, as she said, “think about what you just did.” As I reflected upon the situation, I thought of a verse in the Bible. “But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the Lord: and be sure your sin will find you out" (Numbers 32:23).

Good intentions have never taken away the sting of doing something wrong, especially when you are caught.


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samuel saalwaechter 
15 Dec 2014
LORD the woman you gave me she was the one who................. nice piece of writing. No one understands the temptations writers have to go through to get a good story. Maybe next time have her leave a little extra breakfast on the stove. Just saying.

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