Christian Living

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My wife and I got married young, I was 23 and she was 21. Now, I think getting married young was a fantastic idea and is something that many people should participate in, in my opinion. However, this decision to get married young, apparently goes against the current trends of our society today. I have had numerous people make comments and show surprise to me when they find out what age I got married at and why I chose to.

Learning, practicing and taking responsibility in relationship is being skipped and shoved into the future for when people are "ready" for marriage. Responsibility is one of the main aspects of life and adulthood that I have learned in my short time as a married man. I have to be responsible, because it is not only me I have to look out and provide for now. I am in no way saying that people who remain single longer than I did cannot learn responsibility. My argument is this: a vast majority of those who wait to get married until they are "ready", really mean they do not want to accept responsibility, maturity and then, in turn, become more selfish.

I had a conversation with someone who is older than me and claimed they were no where near ready for marriage. I respect that decision. Divorce rate is high enough in this country and if someone does not feel they cannot adequately prepare and work to make a marriage succeed, so be it. However, my great frustration is that I know that this individual and their "significant other" have been together/dating for nearly half a decade. Given their living arrangement, they have not saved themselves for marriage.

This is my frustration with those who claim to "not be ready" for marriage but still date and have sex before marriage: Truly, what we are doing is choosing to not take on the responsibility to care for another person, provide for a family and make a commitment. The way in which our society today acts is extremely selfish. Cohabitation, one night stands and sexually active dating are selfish because of this: we want the benefits of marriage but do not want to make a commitment to it. Choosing not to marry and, instead, take the wonderful gifts of marriage without the commitment, gives everyone control of the situation to where they do not have to be truly responsible for what happens.

Hear me out, people sin and get into situations where compromising themselves happen, I get it, But when we consciously choose to take the gifts and benefits of being married and not accept responsibility, we are showing how selfish and immature we are. All faith based beliefs, practices and actions aside, as a human being, how can we be so irresponsible and then praise and encourage this type of behavior in our society?! These actions are creating a generation of broken people with an extremely skewed view of love, marriage and commitment. No wonder so many marriages fail. No wonder why there are so many children with illegitimate parents.

I know this is beginning to sound like a rant, but I do not understand why people view getting married young as silly and then say I am "missing out" on the adventures of being a 20 something. I am not saying that getting married young solves this identity crisis and will magically create responsibility, it won't. But I know that the way our society operates currently is an extremely selfish practice that does nothing other than satisfy our own drives.

This is what I know about getting married young. I now take responsibility for my intimacy with my wife and understand that I am solely responsible for any outcome in the relationship and family building. I made that commitment, that vow to stick around, not matter what! I did not have to get married, I could have easily skipped that part and went straight to moving in with her. But when there is no commitment, there is no trust. How can there be any healthy relationship without trust?! Why is your best friend, your best friend? Trust. How does the marriage relationship work? Trust. Any close relationship you have with any person on this planet is meaningless, false and destructive without trust.

My cry for the generation for 20 somethings is this: grow up. It may not be marriage, or college, or career, or moving away. But whatever it is, grow up and take on the responsibility of adulthood. No matter how long you try to run from it, it will always be there and you will absolutely have to answer to it.

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