Marriage

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Vows: For Tradition or Honor

Have you ever thought about the words that are used in a marriage ceremony? If you are married, have you ever sat back and thought about the words that you said to your spouse? Did you think about them when you said them? Was it just something you had to say because tradition demands that these vows are repeated? Let’s get started.
It is my fear that many of the people who get married today not only join for the wrong reasons, but also have no clue as to the meaning behind the vows that are used in the ceremony. Could be why the divorce rate is so high. Most people treat the wedding vows as a guidelines rather than the lifetime commitment that they are supposed to outline.
Think back to your wedding, or at least one that you have known. Put yourself back in front of your reverend and staring starry-eyed at your future spouse. The ring is going on the finger, and the repeating part is ready to begin. What are you thinking? Are you just trying not to screw up? That’s normal, but what about the words? Truth be told (and it will be here as long as I’m the one writing) you should have been thinking about the words long before you got to this point.
Let’s go back a little further. Go back to the day that the question got popped. He didn’t have to be on one knee and she didn’t have to wait the standard five minutes to answer. (I haven’t sweated that much without playing ball in my life.) But somewhere along the line the decision was made to join your two lives and merge them into one. Should you be thinking about the vows? Too late.
Back up a little further. I’m not exactly sure when it was for you, but there is a point in the dating process when you get the notion that this person may be the one. This could very well be the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. When that notion gets rooted into your cranium, the very next thought you get had better be the vows. You would do well to think about them and ask yourself, very honestly, if you will be able to live up to your vows. If the answer is no, you have two options. You can trash the whole thing. It’s drastic, but sometimes necessary. Or you can ask yourself what the problem is and try to fix it. I couldn’t define it without specifics on your problem, but it is a problem that is usually rooted into some kind of fear of the unknown.
Bringing this up to your significant other is not a bad thing. Will you scare them? Maybe, but the payoff is greater than downside. A serious conversation is needed, and if you can’t have one now, later doesn’t look good; like after the wedding. Just sit down with the prospective spouse and be very serious in nature. If they are serious about your relationship, I would venture a guess that they will sit down and make the effort to confront the subject with you.
Now, you’re having your talk, and the both of you are okay with the idea of marriage. While there are a plethora of vows to choose from, at least one of them should come up in the conversation. It is now that the two of you should discuss what the vows mean to you. Ladies, do not be fooled into thinking that they mean more to you than they do to the men. That is a widely accepted misconception. Most men are as concerned about the vows and their meaning as you ladies. I know. I am a man, and I care. For those of you scoring at home, that’s one.
Break out a set of wedding vows. Take a good look at them. These are the words of a sacred ceremony. These words are a rite of an institution that has been ordained by God Himself. That alone should tell you that this is serious business and should never be tried by those who are not going to be fully committed. If you are still riding the fence, back up and take a good, hard look at you. The relationship between a husband and a wife is the most honorable and sacred that exists between two people. Only your relationship to God should be held higher. That’s right, you will have to take into account the opinion of your spouse before your parents. That’s part of the “Leave and Cleave” part of the ceremony.
Do you promise to love, honor and cherish, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live? If anything ever said commitment, it would have to be this sentence. Let that sink in for a bit. Go ahead, I’ll be here when you get back.
Love; the most over-used and misunderstood word in the English language. The meaning of the word “love” in these days has been distorted to the point that most would hardly be able to guess the truth. It has been twisted to lean more and more towards “lust.” The person looks good to me. They make me happy in a lot of ways (please don’t make me describe it any further). They must be a great choice to be a mate.
Our survey says; wrong answer junior. You just made one of your biggest decisions based on criteria that means squat. How she looks has nothing to do with her ability to hold a conversation, be a good mother, be able to help in those hard times that come in life, or even have the capability to understand you when you have those “man moments.” How he looks has nothing to do with his ability to provide for your future and the future of your family, lead your family in a Godly manner, or even be the comfort you need when you have your emotions go crazy.
Honor is word that is not misused. It’s simply not used. The concept of honor seems to have been disintegrated to rumble. It is very hard to find any remnants left in this world. Honor will keep you straight when no one else is looking. A decent synonym, though not great, would be character. Honor has a great deal of meaning to those who keep it. That’s a later rant, so stay tuned.
Cherishing someone is not being their slave and kissing their backside. That’s being a lap dog. Most true men would never agree to that. However, it does entail that you consider the other person’s feelings and emotions before anyone else’s, including yours. Their opinion is now the one that matters to you, or at least it should.
Joy, Sorrow, Sickness, and Health are extremes that consider the depth of your range of love for the other person. I am hoping that your “love” for the other person has some depth. If not, see the above paragraphs and rethink your wedding plans. No depth of love will result in no depth of money in bank; after the lawyers get it all in the divorce.
You wouldn’t think that you should have to bring the next part up, but these days it ought to be pointed out just for good measure. When it says, “forsaking all others”, it means forsaking ALL others. Whoever came up with this theory of an open marriage should be shot, and then we’ll go to work on him. That has to be the dumbest thing I have heard of since the guy in England said Hitler wouldn’t invade Poland. An open marriage in my world would mean that the door to the church that houses your wedding would not be closed. Other than that, the phrase should never be mentioned. In case you have been under a rock for the sexual revolution (Oh, I’ll get into that one later as well), the concept of an open marriage means that the two people stay married and they get to have sex with other people. What? What polygamist came up with this plan? How do you look your spouse in the eye and tell her that you still love her, but you want to sleep around and improve the quality of your marriage? Am I the only one who thinks this is stupid? How do you improve the quality of anything by working on something else? The grass in my yard doesn’t look any better because I vacuum my carpet. You want the grass to grow and look good you better water, fertilize, and mow your grass. I’ll have to have someone explain that one to me. Then I will promptly tear into him.
People today have taken the phrase, “till death do we part” to mean something more related to the legal system. Have you ever heard of someone being sentenced to multiple life terms? No, that does not mean that when they die their reincarnated body must continue to serve the other prison terms. The national average for a life sentence is seven to ten years. Do the math. If you are sentenced to five life terms, you could expect to be out of prison in about thirty-five to fifty years.
“Till death do we part” has been assigned a similar meaning. Some couples have started the clock around the time of the first date. They wait about five to ten years after that and decide that enough is enough. It’s time for someone new. What a waste. The phrase has not changed in its original meaning. Remember, God ordained this ritual, and He does not change. Therefore, the ordinances that He sets up will not change either. Death means DEATH. When you marry someone, you should be prepared to commit yourself to that person, and only that person, till one of you goes on to meet the Lord. You could get lucky and be caught up in the Rapture together, but you can’t plan on an event that can’t be timed. Stick with the death thing. Be ready to go the rest of your life with the person you want to marry.
Is everybody on the same page now? Good. I’m glad we had this talk. Try to remember that nothing on this Earth will be perfect. There are going to problems and hardships along the way no matter what you do. Keep these things in mind and use them as your base of the relationship, and at least you will always have something to build on if everything else crumbles around you. The Lord will bless those that keep His will as the center for their lives.
Now, back to our situation I described earlier. Remember our couple at the altar? The thought process has been a good one. The ring is on, and it’s good. Go celebrate. Just take it easy on the dance floor later. Someone will probably be taping the reception and very well may blackmail you later. Just trying to help.




Mark A. Bradley

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