Kids & Parenting

Consequences of A Selfish Act

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
10/07/14
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So much anger,

so much pain,

so much confusion

shown on the face.

No peace within,

no love in our hearts

or words to express

the bitter taste on our tongues.

So much hatred--such a waste!

Such a disgrace!

Such heavy load

we were never meant to bear.

No tears left to cry!

No compassion in the heart!

Not a willingness to understand--

we no longer have the tolerance

to hear the cries of a broken heart,

or wipe the tears from weeping eyes.

The root has been ignored,

the tree has been blamed

for the spoilt fruit that it bears.

The foundation wasn’t firm

so the house came tumbling down.

It could not withstand the wind or the rain.

One cannot weather the storms of life without a solid foundation. So when I share, I often reach out to parents with the hope that I can make a difference. I wrote the above phrases a few weeks ago when I, desperately, wanted to understand the anger coming from a loved one. I couldn't understand the sudden change in character and it broke my heart. I then saw the same attitude and heard the same words with the same effect coming from documentaries and other programs I watched since then. I then decided to share those phrases and hope that even one parent can make a change in their actions before it is too late.

Parental Advice

Parents, although it may be difficult from time to time please do not neglect to invest time and energy into teaching your children well. Let them know that you love them by the way you treat them. Let them feel accepted by the things you say to them or about them and the things you do for them. They may one day rebel against the teachings but you should have no regrets then, if you have done your absolute best to teach them well.

A Dedicated Work Life

I recently watched an episode of Highway To Heaven where a wealthy businessman waited until after he was diagnosed of a terminal illness to try and bridge the gap between himself and his son. The day his son was born he flew off to another country on business. His work/career had taken the place of priority over quality time with his son throughout his childhood. He invested time into building an empire and left none for home. He had all the material things that life could offer. He was so driven that he couldn’t see the widening gap that was being created between him and his son over the years.  

Nineteen years after the birth of his son, the consequences of his past actions were displayed for all to see. He had an angry son who wanted nothing to do with a father who had no time for him as a child.  He had a son who was following in his father’s footsteps. He had a son who had to win all the time, afraid to lose for fear of disappointing his father. All the work he was doing and the competitions he was winning was all in the hope of gaining his father’s approval--a heavy weight to bear. The pain was unbearable to the point of confusion. History began to repeat itself as the son dedicates his life to his work having no time for his father because his father had no time for him.

The father, recognised his fault and tried to engage with the son but he was 19 years too late. Fortunately, they had Mark (the child’s God-father, with a little help from his friend, Jonathan who happens to be an angel) to help bridge that gap. Jonathan helped them to live life to the fullest instead of letting their work lives take over. Their relationship was healed and so can yours if you find yourself in that position. The father used the same dedication he once used for work to reach his son and his dedication paid-off.

Where Does Healing Begin?
For those of you who have placed your needs above the needs of your children, it may be too late to do that training, but it’s never too late to make amends. Share with your children. Let them understand why you did the things you did. Apologise for your past selfish behaviour and allow their hearts to begin a process of healing. As we grow older we should become even wiser as life allows experience to teach us. So don’t delay. Make a start today.

Your relationship may not have the bond you desired but the healing can begin in your relationship today. The role of a parent never ends, even after you die. Your attitude towards your child/ren lives on--affecting generations to come. Often children who are broken in their spirit end up broken for the rest of their lives. It affects the relationship with their siblings, their friends, their life partners and their very own children. What you do today will make a difference in the lives of your children, their children and their children’s children. Just one word, “Sorry!” can make that difference. Choose to say sorry for the wrong you have inadvertently done. Children need to feel the love of their parents whether they are babies or grown adults with their own children or grandchildren.

Healing is a process but something has to happen for it to begin. What can you do today to bring healing to the relationship between you and your off-springs?

Happy parenting!