Humor

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I’m so mad I could scream! Yet another bummed-out buffet buffoon fiasco at my, used to be favorite, eatery.

For culinary sake, WHERE’S THE BEEF?

Must a man give up going out for dinner on a pleasant Sunday’s afternoon? Am I doomed to resort to cooking on a hot day? Give me a break!

My wife and I, after feeling the urge to chow-down, grabbed the car keys and skipped out the door with big smiles on our faces and even bigger appetites, and headed for the Golden Corral. BEEF on our minds! Yum…yum!

Well, after being seated and given a stack of plates, we said our blessings and raced for the buffet line! The steak smell was overwhelming as I pushed some kids out of the way and tripped up to the window at the grill and hollered to the server to pile it on…medium done, if you please!

Say what? Ten minuets…ten minuets for what? No steak ready yet, but it’s dinner time and I want some steak!

Quality control was the answer I got back from the smoked filled area behind the sneeze glass. Squinting to see a lone figure with a long fork in his hand and a lone steak on the grill that looked like it had just been put on, I almost fainted!

Where’s the beef? I shouted again! It’s dinnertime and I came here for steak…that be dead cow you have there. Where’s all the beef that you should have on those grills? Look out here, if you can see past the smoke… there are fifteen or so hungry folks with their mouths watering for steak…why don’t you put some more meat on the grill?

Orders he said. What do you means orders, I barked…hunger making me delirious by now! My mangr’ say, no too much meat , over cook not good.

Nooooo, I almost shouted! No meat not good! Good is lots a meat! Me speak Mangr’! I mean, let me speak to the manager, please.

Solly, me can’t leave meat alone.

Graaaaa…what meat, I said with clenched teeth! That piece you are cooking is barely big enough to get me started eating, much less enough to feed the hordes of people gathering behind me.

With that the server pointed his two-foot long fork towards a pile of hamburgers on the steam table to his left. BEEF, he said with clenched teeth and a you can starve to death as far as I care, attitude!

Hamburger…If I wanted Hamburger, I would have gone to Fuddruckers! I was beginning to get faint from lack of food by then and I noticed the horde behind me begin to move for the hamburgers. With a swift move like a bull in a china shop, I bounded for the hamburgers and scoffed up two of them before the other desperate diners could vanquish them.

What is this world coming to when you can’t get a little cow, at dinnertime, in a place that specializes in BEEF?

The Bible tells us that tribulation worketh patience. I feel kinda bad because I must have caused a lot of tribulation for that poor server, tho he seemed to take great pleasure in helping me to learn patience.

After downing the burgers and tons of every thing else I could devour; my wife and I got up to leave. I walked by the grill just to see if they had gotten the message and put more BEEF on the grill. Sure enough they had! Now there were two steaks, both still raw, and a new horde of hungry folks standing around with their plates held at their waist and saliva dripping in them from their watering lips. The hamburgers were gone!

I wondered how the server was able to ignore all the grumbling and complaining without getting perturbed. Looking through the smoke, I saw a tiny wire going into his right ear. The server was swaying just a tiny bit, like the “I got to go” dance. His lips were slightly moving and his eyes were rolling left and right. Music to sooth the savage beast and to block out all the shouting; WHERE’S THE BEEF?

The lesson learned: Go to Fuddruckers next time we want BEEF!

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