Poetry

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I've Waited So Long

I am afraid
It seems fear is a conviction that enslaves my very essence
And to admit that I may have some questions
To present that a doubt may live within my soul
Is to me to say that I have no faith
Yet, one thing I have learned
And that is that faith is not mine
For if it was, it would surely be lost
It would most certainly escape my forever understanding
Most likely even surpass what is beyond my expectations
Further than what I may conceive
Still, what lies beyond me
What is so abundant that it may contain my very soul
This must exist in what is greater than I
For if it did not, then the encapsulation of its meaning would be of my own accord
And then what could it,
What would it say?
What could it explicate that might stand as truth
And if I were all that stands in me
How long could veracity be that which does not suffer change
And what is of verity must be immutable to change
No, truth must be held in all that I am not great enough to hold
And if it is so
If it does in fact exist there
Then it can only be all that must be taught
And never that which I can teach
All that can only be given
Not that which I may gain
So now, in hesitation
Along with continuing doubt
I submit to that which I cannot fathom
And in doing so I am told the greatest truth of that which my ears can barely stand to hear
Of what my mouth does surely pleasure to echo
Faith is not mine
And every question I hold within my heart
Does not weaken that position
But strengthens it
For truth loves the doubter, the questioner
Why would it not, it possesses every answer
The longing my soul has awaited
The beauty that rings in my ears
I, only I, are delivered upon the Word I have longed for
For the belief I have is the faith that has been forever hidden in the Son
Now shining as bright as the morning sun
Disallowing the dark to ever be my shade again
And this is what it tells me
"Ask my child"
"Doubt, my daughter, for I have the answers"
"And with a tear of Joy in my eye I will finally say"
"I have waited so long to give them to you"

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