Humor

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Normally, I’m not overly fussy with what people say as long as they are not trying to put something over on me. All it takes is one time of trying to put something over on me and I cross you off my Christmas card list.

When someone tries to sell me something, I am assuming that somewhere in the conversation they are trying to pull the wool over my eyes. I am allergic to wool in my eyes. When they are talking to me, I am listening for a keyword in their conversation, which is simply, “free.” Whenever they mention that magical word, I know they are trying to put something over on me.

My father used to say, “Keep it real or keep it to yourself.” He did not have many jewels of wisdom, but this certainly was one that has been helpful to me down through the years. I have tried to keep this in focus when talking to other people. Nothing I hate more than somebody lying to me, so turnabout is fair game. I do not want to lie to anybody myself. At least intentionally.

I am a weekend fisherman from Pennsylvania so the tendency is there and I have to watch myself all the time. I am the kind of person who loves to exaggerate. Sometimes my exaggeration gets the best of me but then that is why God gave us wives to help curb this tendency. She has not failed me so far.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and I were relaxing at home watching a little bit of television. It is hard to find anything “real” on the old television set. The reality shows are everything but.

We were casually listening to a talk show who was interviewing some TV personality celebrating his 80th birthday. We were not really paying attention, you know how it is. You are watching TV, but you are talking back and forth to one another trying to catch up on the day’s activities. Then this TV personality made a statement that captured both of our attentions.

“I don’t believe,” this personality, which shall remain nameless, said, “in the afterlife. Only foolish people believe in the afterlife.”

This sparked some conversation between my wife and me. The question I had was simply this; how long does it take to get to this point of Superior Idiocy? What university awards an SI degree? If they did, I am sure they could never keep up with the production of such awards.

Just when you think you have heard the most stupid thing in the world somebody with an SI degree opens his or her mouth. One thing about this SI is that it is not gender specific. Both men and women are assessable to this sort of thing.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with being stupid if you keep it to yourself. When you start telling people just how stupid you really are, that is when somebody needs to object.

Right after this TV personality, whose name will remain anonymous, although he thinks he is some kind of a king, said he did not believe in the afterlife said something that was contradictory.

“I have it ordered,” he said about a seriously as any SI person could be, “that when I die I will be frozen until the medical field has discovered a cure or for what has killed me. Then I will be brought back to life with this medication.”

My wife and I waited for the laughter. I really thought it was a joke. I did not think anybody could be that stupid. Apparently, a great deal of people are that stupid because nobody laughed at that remark.

My wife and I looked at each other and then we burst out laughing thinking it was one of those TV talk show spoofs. It turned out he was not joking. He did not believe in the afterlife, but he was making plans to come back to life after he died.

I think people with the SI syndrome have one severe dysfunction between their brain and their mouth. We know from listening that their mouth is working but what we hear from their mouth more than suggest their brain is not w.

I do not have any problems with people being a practicing SI as long as they keep it to themselves. There are enough idiots in the world that we do not have to have people every day coming out of the SI closet.

Listening to this TV personality, I was reminded of my father’s favorite saying, “Keep it real or keep it to yourself.” There are many things people need to keep to themselves.

This TV personality who wanted to be frozen after he died suggested to me that the freezing had already begun with his brain. I do not know if he ate too much ice cream too fast causing a brain freeze or what. All I know is that some things should not be shared and being an idiot is one of them.

The apostle Paul made this quite clear when he wrote, “For the wages of sin is death: but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 6:23).

Only God can keep it real and thankfully He does not keep it to Himself, but shares it with those will put their trust in Him.

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