Humor

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Along about Friday of this past week I noticed a strange phenomenon stalking the parsonage. Actually, it is not that strange to notice something strange at our parsonage. The first thing I do every morning when I go into the bathroom and look into the mirror I see something really strange.

This was something just a little bit different in the strange category. I suppose strange has a wide range of categories and levels and whatnot. That being said, I am not quite sure which level of strangeness this phenomena that I discovered this past week belongs.

This past week I was on my own. My wife had left me. Actually, I bought her a ticket to send her to upstate New York, which turned out to be the coldest week in New York. Not to mention the snow. And please, don’t mention the snow.

I am not accustomed to being on my own. The notorious trinity; me, myself and I can get into a lot of trouble. However, I was by myself for this week and in charge of everything.

I drove my wife to the airport, returned and spent my first night alone. I celebrated by eating in bed. Oh, the crumbs, the blessed crumbs were all around. Nothing says home more than crumbs in your bed. Normally, potato chips are not permitted in the bedroom but then, this is not normally.

I got up the next morning, sniffed the air and noticed something strange. Usually every morning I get up and smell coffee brewing. Where in the world is the coffee? I asked myself. I went into the kitchen and no coffee was brewing.

Then it dawned on me. I’m in charge. Ha. Ha.

I grinned a big grin as I brewed my morning coffee, and the day was set. I left the house for my office as I usually do. All day long, I labored at my laboring, and then it was time to go home.

I went home and sat in my chair to watch some evening news. I began to realize something was wrong.

I said to myself, “Where is supper?”

Then it dawned on me. I’m in charge. Ha.

I did not smile as much as I shuffled into the kitchen to look for something resembling supper. I raided the refrigerator of all the foodstuff I could find. Then I put my supper together and gravitated to the table to enjoy my supper.

After the first bite of what I called my “supper,” I said to myself, “Yuck, this certainly is not the fare I’m used to.” I crunched it all and washed it down with 3 gallons of lukewarm coffee. Do not let this get back to anybody that you might know or that might know me, but I am a lousy cook.

As I thought about this, I begin to evaluate the situation. It is not my fault I am a bad cook. The fault must lie with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. She does all the cooking around here and her cooking is so marvelous that anything I might set on the table is “yuck-fare” in comparison. Through the years, she has adequately trained me to appreciate fine dining.

I tried to make a mental note about this but could not find a pencil at the time.

Then on Friday, I ran out of underwear. This is something new for me because it has never happened before. I searched through my dresser drawers and could not find any underwear. They have always been in my dresser drawers for as long as I can remember. Now, they are nowhere to be found.

I cast a wistful eye in the direction of the washer/dryer and noticed a huge pile of dirty underwear. I can never remember this happening before. I said to myself, “Why has nobody done the laundry?” After all, I can never remember a time when the laundry has piled up quite as much as it has this week.

Then it dawned on me. I’m in charge.

Not really knowing how to do laundry, I tried to work out a plan of recycling my underwear. After all, my wife is an expert at recycling. She recycles everything.

It was late Friday morning when I noticed this afore mentioned strange phenomenon. For the whole week, I have been talking to myself. That was not the strange thing. The strange thing was, I noticed late Friday morning, not only was I talking to myself, but I was answering myself and many times arguing with myself. Now the problem is, who is really winning the argument?

I then remembered what the Bible says, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18 KJV).

Even God knows that the man He created needs a companion or “help meet” to fulfill his life. Sometimes we are apt to forget the provisions God has made for us. However, if a person comes to the Bible with an open mind and an open heart, he or she will discover that God has our best interest in mind for the longest period of time.

Instead of talking to myself, I spent a little time talking to God and thanking Him for the wonderful provisions He has made for my life both now and eternally.

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