Humor
Well, sweet grassy, grassy grass, this is my kind of place. Soft under my feet and green and scrumptious, I could stay here all the way into the nighttime and then some. Of course, Mom’ll probably ruin it for me and make me move onto something less tasty. I never get that—what makes her move me when I’m perfectly happy, doing nothing wrong, just eating this gr . . . nom, nom, nom.
Oh! There’s another bundle of even longer grass! I’ll edge my way slowly—can’t have Mom noticing. It’s only grass, but you know what moms are like. Wow! Another one! It’s like a path set up just for me! It’s meant to be. What a great idea to bring us all here. I feel so freeeeeeee.
***
I’m getting really full now. All this grass is making me waddle, but one more cluster won’t hurt me. Ahhh, delightful. Now if I can just walk up this hill. I think that’s the way I came . . . no, it was this tree I walked past . . . uh . . . this one? No, it was definitely this bush, not a tree. In I go . . . turn, look up . . .
Um.
I’m lying here on my back in a very awkward position, all wrapped up like a Christmas present in leaves and twigs—au naturale I think they call it these days. I don’t necessarily want to scream for help, cuz then they’ll all know what I did. I’d rather keep that a secret for now. Maybe if I move this leg to the sky, and this one to that tree. . . .
Well that sure was a bad idea.
Okay, you got me, friends. I messed up. I’m the bad guy here. You guys go on eating your happy grass in your happy field without me. Never mind me, even though my right leg has touched every dot on the Twister board by now and my left eyeball has an uncanny view of my butt.
Sigh. I’m going to get it good now . . . fer reals! “Don’t leave the family; we’re a team; don’t let the grass distract you—it’s just food; be a good example….” Blah, blah, flipping blah. I’m going to have to suck it up now and spit it out there. I do feel kinda bad though—prodigal son and all that. Okay. Here I go:
I WAS WRONG. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. YOU WERE RIGHT. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. HELP!!! BAAAAAAAAAAAA!
And all of a sudden, there it is. That hard curve of wood around my neck, lifting up my head so I can see. In comes the staff again, pulling away branches and leaves, and then those two big hands kneel beside me and push me onto my feet. I take one look at those sandals and wonder if I should make a run for it before I get an earful, but if I do that, I’ll be running from the only place I’ve ever known safety. Two big arms make their way around my belly and I’m lifted off the ground and held close to his chest, but not before he looks me in the eye and lets me see his deep, deep love. I shed a tear . . . or two . . . man-to-man, like.
And together we saunter back to the others . . . and Mom . . . as if I never did a thing.
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Beautifully done. God BLess, Lynn