Communication

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Traversing the Upsets of Life
by Chaplain Dan Langerock

How do you respond when upsets come your way? Carry a grudge? Stay mad for weeks? Figure it is a part of life and just go on? These are all common reactions, but what should you consider when you are upset?

Your Health

According to medical science, when you are upset it takes two hours for your body to calm down. If you remain in this state perpetually, imagine what this does to your body functions such as heart rate and blood pressure. Perhaps this is why God tells us to "not let the sun go down on your wrath". The longer you hang onto the upset without dealing with it, the more it will hurt you in every way. As a chaplain, I have seen people carry a grudge for 40 years.

Decisions

This one applies to grief as well as other areas of life: If you notice, some people dispense with clothing and other belongings right away after a death. However, it is best to wait at least a month or two before doing this. Why? Because your mind is still in shock from the event and you may regret giving some of the articles away, when there will be no way to retrieve them. Give yourself a chance to readjust before you make these kinds of decisions.

Another mistake that is often made when upset comes is that of making snap decisions. Let's say you are mad at your parents. Really angry! You decide, in this state of mind to not allow your parents to see their grandchildren for say six months as "punishment" for the infraction. You call your parents and tell them this news. You have now hurt yourself by retaining the hurt, your children by not allowing them to see their relatives, and your parents. It takes a minimum of twenty positive comments to overcome one insult, if ever.

Is it really worth hurting all these people because of this problem? Then, to top it off, you are still angry and tell everyone you know what happened in your relationship. Can you see how the hurt just spirals out of control as it progresses from one level to another?

Consider Consequences

When you are upset, you don't feel like taking time to think about the consequences of your words and actions. You just want to act and try to relieve the hurt inside of you. But, instead, you create more hurt and chaos by not thinking.

Try to take a deep breath when you are hurt and calm down. Pray about how you feel, if you like. God has big shoulders, he can take it. Avoid telling others about how you feel right away, until you have settled down. Go do something you enjoy for a while, perhaps taking a walk would help. The point is, give your emotions time to get back to normal before you say and do things you may regret later on. Things done out of hurt will only keep that problem going until it is a monster of regret and condemnation.

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