Communication

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Make Compliments a Part of Your Daily Routine
By Dan Langerock

Have you ever felt down, then someone came along and said, "You look great today?" Think about how that made you feel. It probably made your whole day! Now think about how long it has been since you have heard a compliment paid to you? I gave someone a compliment the other day, and they said, "It's been a long time since someone has told me something nice like that." What has caused the decline of saying uplifting words to each other?

Too Busy

People are so busy, they don't take the time to look around them for what others are wearing and doing. So much is crammed into 24 hours there is barely time to breathe, it would seem. Do you take the time to appreciate a beautiful sunset, an intricate rose, or any number of wonderful items that grace your day? I see retirees even rushing around in stores and it makes me wonder. 'Is this what life is about, being so busy you never get to relax?'

Self-centered

People are more concerned with themselves than they used to be. When someone needed help before, there was always someone willing to stop and help. In some parts of the country, this is still the case, but in many others this trait is disappearing. Busyness coupled with trying to make ends meet tends to make people this way. Being considerate and helpful to others is a habit people have gotten away from. When you stop doing something, it is easier to turn away the next time someone is in need. Just look at all the sad situations we see in the media. Sometimes people give in an unrestrained way, such as when the fires swept across Southern California last year. Other times, it makes you wonder if anyone heard about what happened because of the lack of response.

Women's Liberation

I remember encountering this for the first time in college many years ago. I was always taught to open a door for a woman as a courtesy, but this time I opened a door and she went through the other one. I was dumbfounded! Men feel uneasy complimenting a woman sometimes because of the liberation factor and also sexual harassment. We are not sure how a compliment will be received, so we often say nothing at all. There are always extremes to every situation, but giving a sincere compliment with no strings attached is one of the niceties we rarely hear anymore.

Compliments, to my mind, are an integral part of a good relationship. Think of how you would feel if you were married to someone who never said, "I Love You!" It is not that you are unsure of that person's love, that you need this encouragement, but it is just nice to hear. I have heard children say in later years how they missed being told by their parents these vital words. It affected how they interacted in their relationships as they grew up, as you can imagine. Whether married or not, is this phrase important to you? Of course, showing love is the next step after saying it.

Try to work on this aspect of your relationships with those whom you love. Be sincere in what you say and see what profound effects it will have for your life. A marriage counselor was trying to help a couple who were having problems with negativity in their marriage. So the counselor told the husband to compliment his wife for the next week and then they would all meet together again. When the next week came, the counselor asked the wife how she liked being complimented for a whole week and she said, "What compliments?" She had been so entrenched in the negative aspect of their relationship, she had not heard her husband being positive to her.

When life deals us so many problems, it is easy to become negative and self-centered, so that we "buy into" what society is telling us to do in our lives. But if we want to have successful relationships, we must break these molds and plot a new course of courtesy toward each other. People become less important than work or anything else when we have this disposable mentality. We may think, "I don't need this person, there are plenty more like them out there." Self-esteem goes down the drain when this happens, hurting you and others for years to come. When anything else becomes more important than people, something is wrong and it needs to be changed. Let the change begin with you and I.

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