Faith

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During my life I have endless bad times, such as when I was sick for almost five years and visited every doctor in town, but nothing worked. It certainly felt like an eternity to me! After such a long period of time, I learned to wait (who wouldn’t) in the Lord. He healed me at last from a little brain tumor that made me so exhausted I had to lay down in bed all day.

Then it was the facial paralysis that kept terrifying me every time the weather changed. When exposed to a change of temperature the left side of my face paralyzed and my facial expression became crooked and ugly. After a while the Lord healed me again.

Then it was the endless frustration of marriage problems that lasted for at least 8 years! Again the Lord intervened and I have a pretty pleasant family life at present.

This time is so different.

In a short period of time, 2 or 3 months at most, family matters are worsening at the speed of light. It’s been such a short period of time and already it feels like hell unleashed. Also, this time it’s not me but my extended family that is suffering unspeakable pain.

Why is it that it’s easier to endure and have faith during personal problems, but not when our loved ones are the ones who suffer?

After all these years of faithfulness from the Lord, I am ashamed to admit it; when it comes to my family, I don’t have enough faith.

After spending too much time feeling deeply sad, troubled, even depressed, I found myself just holding on, holding on to the Lord.

I am clinging to the Lord like never before and waiting, just waiting. Because, you know, in the past I actually could do something, (finding another doctor, staying away from temperature changes, working on my marriage), but this time there is nothing I can do, absolutely nothing.

And I find myself clasping on to the last piece of debris in the middle of the sea…scared.

Only, it is not just any piece of wood, but that wood that reminds me that God is in control, even in the darkest, longest night.

That cross that testifies to me that “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how He not with Him shall also freely give us all things?”

That precious cross tells me that I am more than a conqueror through Him who loved me.

And although I feel like the man who answered to the Lord “I believe, help my unbelief”, I can also say with the help of the Holy Spirit within me: “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”.

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