Marriage

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Attention. May I have everyone’s attention, please? Thank you!

Now friends, I simply must bring you all up to date on the most recent politically correct changes regarding the care we should take when addressing or interacting with same sex couples. Seeing that none of us wish to appear uncivilized, it’s always prudent that we do our utmost to avoid offending this extra special segment of society, especially since they tend to express their outrage at any perceived disrespect for their alternative lifestyle with seemingly endless whining. I mean, we’ve all been on the receiving end of that, haven’t we?!

So, let me take the next few minutes to educate you on what you may now say or not say to gay couples, especially if they are engaged to be ‘married.’ By the way, I got this information from one of the wedding industry’s most prominent gay wedding planners/educators, a lady who is really in-the-know!

Some of you who are business owners may very well have same sex couples come to you for some product or service related to their impending nuptials which shouldn’t be an issue because hey, gay weddings are here to stay and are ultimately good for the bottom line. After all, the most important thing is making that money any way we can, right?

First of all, we can no longer use the word “homosexual” because, according to our expert, it carries all kinds of negative connotations related to the early days when it was actually considered a mental disorder to be gay. Stay away from that term! Did everyone hear that?

There are a few things you should never ask a same sex couple who are engaged. For instance, it would be highly offensive to ask, “Which one of you is the bride?” or, “Will one of you wear a gown and the other a tuxedo?”

Another statement that might be considered insulting would be something along the lines of, “So, will there be drag queens and show tunes at the reception?” And, of course, it would be the height of gauche to ask if they’ll be throwing condoms instead of rice!

Now, I understand some of you are still uncomfortable accepting gay weddings as the new normal but really people, who’s to say what is ‘normal’ at a wedding anymore? The world is changing ladies and gentlemen; up is now down and white is now black. We have to keep up with the times.

Even the most egregious sin is considered perfectly respectful, especially if you hold outlandish demonstrations and parades and carry signs and shout loud enough, long enough. You know, I think sometimes it’s just easier to let them have their way so they’ll quiet down and we can go back to living our lives, societal consequences be damned!

Finally, above all, NEVER, and I mean NEVER confront same sex couples with anything the Bible or God has to say on homosexuality! Oops! I mean gays. For instance, it wouldn’t be wise to ask if they’ll be honeymooning in Sodom or Gomorrah.

And don’t even think of mentioning that 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 emphatically states, “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

Heaven forbid you be so crass to imply they are deceiving themselves when they insist they were ‘born’ gay. We’ll just keep this between ourselves but you and I know full well that, just as a two year old will throw a tantrum and hold their breath until they pass out, our little gay friends can scream all they want, but there will never be scientific proof of a ‘gay gene.’ If you want to be your most proficient in political correctness, just let it go. The last thing we want to do is speak the truth and offend them!

Well, that’s our meeting for today. I hope you’ve all learned something useful. Now go out there, turn your head and act like this perverted, rebellious lifestyle is perfectly normal.

Don’t you dare embarrass yourself by taking a stand for God and declaring that you refuse to cater to the outrageous demands of less than 1% of America’s population. After all, like their slogan says, “They’re here, they’re queer, get used to it!”

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