Poetry

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my memories rise
from the me of then
out of the darkness
of a crevice yet sealed
flare in angers erupting
a flame burning bright
consuming
wrong words to flow
control lose
releasing what was felt then
for parents who were not there
or there wrong
a righteous anger
at a sinful wrong
ABUSE
as i pray it purifies
that god cleanses me of it
even as it exists

my memories remind
me of the using of then
as my body remembers
a fathers using and selling
RAPE
a child who was only an it
weighted down of their bodies
hands to violate all of me
confusion to rule
a little one not understanding
herself
hating her wants
because they made theirs
hers
in a game of merry-go-round
un-merry
as i pray
that god rewire me right
so i feel less wrong

my memories awaken
emotions kept hidden in me
as i am turmoiled of them
tossed about in my sleeps invasion
an awakening presence
of fear encasing teardrops
trailing in whys? and where were you?
forgottenness remembered
ABANDONMENT
a tossing aside easier to a mother
blinded of her own abuse endured
choosing an infant to not see
never hold
ignore
let suffer
at the hands of others
increase the wrong
in the tossing outside
locking away
turning a blind eye and ear
crying ignored in a babe that
a toddler learn to not speak
holding withheld as an infant
a child to yearn for a touch of love
kindness, gentleness, compassion
all a newborn needs
a mother's love denied
that i turn away
go within
so i wouldn't want
what wasn't given
as i pray
that i know love's
noticing to see
listening to hear
touch to feel

my memories lost in
what was yearned for in confusion
received from a father wrong
while told it was right
as he built fear
rather than safety
exposure
replacing protection
i to provide for them
as they stole from me
my infancy, toddlerhood, childhood
life
never to live in laughter and love
so that i pray
here and now
mold me Abba how You will
bring reason now to none then
build something from the ashes of nothing
heal me of the evil
in the cleansing of your goodness
be my daddy and mommy
all of You
the bestest of the best

my memories replaced
with truths learned
felt in the believing
experienced present as a gift
accepted by my child within
in child like faith awakened
as I pray
You are the potter
I am the clay
mold me and make me
A WOMAN OF GOD

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