Poetry

---

The Evolution of Joy



Why is this happening? I've always tried to be good…
What have I done? What will people think?
Have I not done what I should?

What is going to happen now? When will this pain subside?
Everyone tells me that with the Lord in my life, I should be happy
Rely on Him…Give it to Him,
But I can't stop this hurt…
I can't stop asking why?

I know, I am a sinner,
Yesterday, today and even tomorrow- I know
No matter what I do,
I fall short of what is right
And it's not what I did as much
But what I've done that has me in its hold

Why take me back two steps, Lord?
I thought we had a good thing going
Is this what You call Your best for me?
Is this what You call Love?
I'm so confused; I don't even know what I'm doing!

Oh, such a tragedy, my mother says
It's just too bad, I heard someone say
I'll pray for you- I keep hearing over and over again
And I smile, holding back my tears,
scared out of my mind of what has come my way

All right then, I'll fix this,
There isn't anything I can't do
Let me just get a plan together,
Maybe if I do more here… and there…let's see
Let me just think this through

I don't understand…. if I just knew
Why You have chosen me for this?
That question won't let me rest… consuming my thoughts
It's like a wall blocking my view

I'm holding it together the best I can,
Somehow smiles still come to my lips
Yet my eyes burn with unshed tears
And that road ahead looks even rockier
I'm afraid, Lord… I'm afraid I'll slip

Yet, I hung up the phone yesterday, stunned into silence by her words
I can't imagine what you must be going through, she said
But your strength has been a blessing to me….
I couldn't believe what I had heard

MY strength? I am about to crumble under this weight
What could she have possibly seen?
I am so weak, Lord… my soul is tired
How long do I have to bear this ache?

I feel stripped; everything in my life now has changed
Nothing I do seems to work… I've tried to fix this brokenness
It's a new road I'm on,
It's scary… and strange

"I can do anything through You who gives me strength"
The words leapt off the page
Through You, it said, not against You like I have done
Ok, I'm ready Lord,
You take center stage

You say Your will for me is for good, not for harm
I will cling with my life to that promise
I will move out of the way, I'll set myself aside
I know now there isn't anything I can do to stop this

And with these words of Trust, Joy began to germinate and grow
Fertilized by His grace, it had always been inside of me
It needed His hand— it needed my choice to Trust,
It was time to sow

And the Faith that belonged to me lay dormant no more
I found I could finally take a step,
still unsure what would happen
Yet I was surrounded by Peace, Love and Joy down to my core

I knew then that I wasn't alone
That even in the darkness of this season,
His light was near
He led me here… He'll guide me out…
He knows my every cry
He hears my every moan

And then the Joy that bloomed wasn't giddy, pretentious or strong
It didn't remove my pain, swell up my head
Or even fix what was wrong

Yet His Word watered this Joy until it grew bigger and stronger
Rejoice in His Love… "I am with you always," He said,
Don't give up… it's just a little while longer


Joy took root, fed by Trust and Faith
Drying my ever -flowing tears, bringing me to my knees
To thank my Lord for bringing me to this place

See, It was NOT understanding why that kept me searching in vain
But with understanding and knowledge of His Word,
His promises and His Grace
That has kept this Joy growing—bursting through my heart
Even in the midst of all my pain.

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE