Christian Living

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December 15, 2011 – True Friendships or Forced Acquaintances?

16 And Jonathan, Saul’s son rose and went into the wood to David [at Horesh] and strengthened his hand in God. 17 He said to him, Fear not; the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father knows that too. 18 And the two of them made a covenant before the Lord. And David remained in the wood [at Horesh], and Jonathan went to his house. – 1 Samuel 23:16-18 AMP

David and Jonathan were best friends. Their friendship began when David slew Goliath and continued until Jonathan was killed in battle the same day as his father, King Saul. Their friendship even surpassed Jonathan’s loyalty to his own father. Why? Their friendship exceeded his loyalty to his father because both David and Jonathan had their hearts toward God. God was at the center of their lives. Society today is so much different.

Friendships today are rarely based on faith in God. People become friends because they both like to fish or hunt. Some become friends because they like the same sports team. Some even become friends because they work side by side. It really doesn’t matter; there are literally hundreds of things besides God that people base friendships upon. But hey, I’m supposed to be blogging about everyday Christian life, right? Okay, here comes reality.

For years I have seen Christian friendships grow out of something other than a desire to please God. Some Christians become friends because they both like to fish or hunt. Some become friends because they like the same sports team. Some even become friends because they work side by side. Wait! That’s the same thing I just said about society. It’s amazing how much the Christian set apart world looks so much like society. Why does this happen? It happens because Christians are following a worldly model to build friendships in their lives.

Churches are becoming a driving force behind building friendships on worldly beliefs. There are some churches here in the United States with small groups based on individual interests. I have seen some that actually have small groups for men who like to fish or hunt. Now don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely no problem with Christians getting together to talk about fishing, hunting, or even their favorite sports team. But look at the truth here. The focal point of building friendships in these settings is not faith in God. Maybe they have devotion before they start, but it’s a mere formality before they get to talking about the best rifle or lure that has recently hit the market.
Churches form men and women’s groups to build friendships. They dump men and women into separate rooms and expect instant friendships to develop. But in actuality they are only forcing acquaintances from church to sit together.

Have you ever had instant mashed potatoes? They don’t take nearly as long to prepare as the real thing. There’s no extra labor of peeling involved. All you have to do is heat water and stir the ingredients together. In the end, they may look like the real thing, but the genuine article is missing; there are no potatoes in the mashed potatoes. Churches do the same thing with separate gender groups. First of all, splitting up the sexes in a church is not Biblical. And second, although gatherings are taking place behind church walls, the friendships churches are trying to create are based on a church relationship and not a God relationship. There is as much difference between church relationship and God relationship as there is between real and fake potatoes.

This is where Christians and churches have both failed in building friendships. In my previous, sin-filled life, I had people at times others would have considered to be friends. But I was not a true friend because I was neither living nor desiring to live a life pleasing to God. After many years, I finally gave myself to God. I realized He needed to be my best friend. I realized that only He could help me through all my problems. Then something amazing happened. He brought me the best friend on earth I will ever have.

My wife Marlo is my best friend. She is also the love of my life, the mother of our children, a lover of God, as well as the apple of my eye and the queen of our castle. She has been there and stuck with me through the hardest times in my life. But it wasn’t out of obligation; she had Biblical basis to divorce me. But she stayed with me because she loves me. She stayed because we made God the center of our lives. That’s not only a wife forgiving a husband, but it’s also a sign of true friendship. Because we have made God our center, we have been able to grow closer and stronger than we ever have.

Do you have a true friend? Are there some people in your life that you call friends who are really acquaintances? If you do have a true friend, is your friendship based on a mutual faith and trust in God? Is there anything in your life that’s keeps you from having or being a true friend? Are you searching for a true friend in vain? Find God first and let Him be your best friend. Only then will you be able to recognize the genuine from the imitation.

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